October 09, 2013 / 5 Common Mistakes When Approaching Women
5 common mistakes men make when approaching women, and how to fix them.
When Approaching Women, Not Everything Goes According to Plan
Not everything goes according to plan, and dating is definitely no exception. While there is tons of information out there about how to meet women and what to do or say to them, there isn’t nearly as much content on what to do if your plan doesn’t go, well, according to plan! Many times, the answer is simple: the woman isn’t interested. However, a significant amount of time, small mistakes are the reason an interaction falls flat on its face before it even begins. Here are 5 common mistakes men make when approaching women and how to fix them.
Hesitation is one of the major sources of failure when approaching a woman. Women are, generally speaking, highly attuned to body language and intent. If you glanced over at her, she probably already knows you are interested. From that point on, any delay is likely to come off as insecure. The more you hesitate to approach once any sort of contact is made (even incidental eye contact!) the harder it will be to shake the ‘insecure’ image you have already built.
To avoid this situation, follow the "3 second rule" and approach the woman you are interested in within 3 seconds or less.
2. Weak Body Language
Nothing screams lack of confidence louder than weak body language. Weak body language includes lack of proper posture, failure to make eye contact, holding your hands around upper stomach of chest level, head facing down, avoiding physical contact, and more. Have good posture, keep your head straight, your hands floating freely by your sides or touching her (or for emphasis during conversation), and use eye contact when starting a conversation.
3. Overbearing body language
While a confident approach is good, going over board is bad. We all probably have that annoying guy in our lives who basically runs towards you with his chest sticking out and a big smile and starts talking real close, right in your face really loudly. Don’t be that guy with women. Besides being annoying, that behavior comes across as very needy. Approach with confidence, but don’t run up to a girl like an excited puppy about to pee on her leg.
4. Being a Creep
I have seen some "seduction systems" out there that advocate some extremely creepy stuff, like going up to a random stranger and telling her you think she is hot and you really want to have sex with her. DON’T DO THAT. This is extremely creepy not to mention inappropriate. There are also much more subtle creepy behaviors that are not recommended. Some of these include being a really close talker right away and various forms of touch early on (face, thighs, butt, breasts, etc.).
5. Venue Inappropriate Tactics
— Sometimes you do everything right, but just not right for the particular venue. Always pay attention to the venue and use strategies appropriate for the venue. Trying to say something in passing to a girl at a loud night club is highly ineffective, even though it is a very effective indirect way to start a conversation at a bar or house party. Make sure you use venue appropriate tactics to increase your success. For example, at a loud club, use body language and non-verbal openers (dancing etc.). For a woman at the bar, try an indirect approach. For a woman at a house party, go up to her and introduce yourself.
As a bonus, I am going to talk about handling a very annoying, yet common situation that occurs. I call it the obstruction. It is when you do everything right and are making an approach, and the woman sees you are approaching her, but then she is pulled away by a friend or suddenly a crowd of people walk in the way or your direct path and you have to deal with an obstacle course to get to her.
As you can imagine, even though it is no fault of your own, scaling an obstacle course to get to a woman you have never met comes off as quite desperate. How do you combat this? There are a few ways I like to deal with it:
(1) Give up the pursuit at that time, smile at her and motion to her that I will come see her later.
(2) Scale the crowd and then use that as an opener, acknowledging the ridiculousness of going through all the traffic. For example: "Finally, I made it to you! If i had known it was going to be so much work…"
(3) Motion or her to come to you — see "The Point" approach in our article, 6 Ways to Approach Women
In a future article, I am going to talk about some conversation trouble shooting tips so you know what to do if the conversation doesn’t go as planned. In the meantime, you can learn more by getting our FREE e-book:Josh Sway’s Crash Course to Women and Attraction