December 30, 2013 / 5 Ways You Can Start Acting Alpha Right Now
Being alpha can be learned. Here are 5 ways you to get you started.
After my article on the Importance of Being Alpha, I received this question a lot: "How can I start acting like an alpha male?"
I can empathize with this, because back when I was trying to understand alpha males, the examples given were not even remotely practical. I remember reading something like, "just act like Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun.'" Well, seeing as I’m not a navy fighter pilot, how the hell am I supposed to "act like Tom Cruise"? Tell everyone I have a ‘need for speed’? High five people at random? Play vaguely homoerotic games of volleyball on the beach with other dudes?
So forget Tom Cruise and Clint Eastwood; they’re badasses in their movies, but it’s not helpful to be told to act like them because you’re not a fighter pilot or a secret service agent. Being an alpha male doesn’t just apply to women, it applies to life. You want to take control and make as many decisions about your own life as possible. Controlling your decisions means controlling your destiny, and an alpha male never lets anyone but himself control his destiny.
For many men, this isn’t easy. Most of our parents, teachers, and bosses taught us to value obedience and conformity without teaching us why. Again, alpha males can be obedient and can conform, but if they act this way, it’s because they intrinsically wanted to.
So, if you’re looking to "become alpha," I’m going to give you 5 behaviors you can literally walk out the door and start using right away with your friends, family, and everyone else in your life. It won’t help you get women right away, but it will put you on the path to making your choices, and controlling your own destiny.
1. When Asked, State a Preference
I’m sure this has happened before: you’re hanging out with your friends and you’re all hungry and trying to figure out where to eat. Or you’re trying to figure out what movie to watch. Or where you should all go out. Everyone just kind of limply shrugs and says, "I dunno, I’m fine with whatever."
Well, stop shrugging. When this comes up, state a preference. Figure out what you want, and then say it. Don’t worry about anyone else. You may feel you’re just being considerate and easygoing by not telling everyone where you want to go to dinner. But if nobody wants Chinese food, they’ll tell you. Alpha males choose to state their preferences. If their friends don’t like that preference, then they just choose to either insist on that preference or defer to their friends. But the key is these are active choices. When you just assume people will get annoyed that you’re particular about where you want to eat, then you’re letting them choose for you.
More likely you’ll find that everyone is relieved someone is actually saying something. Everyone will say, "sure, let’s do Chinese," and fall in line. Congratulations; this is what alpha males do! They lead and choose for the group. Sure, it’s just Chinese food. But if you’re comfortable acting alpha when it comes to choosing where to grab dinner, it will open the road for you to act alpha in more weighty situations.
2. Stop Asking For Permission
Your friends make plans to meet up at 8:00pm, but you’re not free until 8:30pm. Don’t ask them, "Hey, I can’t make it until 30 minutes later. Can we push it back?" Just say, "I’m not free until 30 minutes later. I’ll see you guys at 8:30pm."
You wake one day with a fever, and feel too sick to go to work. Don’t call your boss, explain how you’re sick, and then ask, "Is it okay if I call out sick today?" You’re sick, you can’t work, and it doesn’t matter if he’s ‘okay’ with it or not. Call him and say, "I’m sick, I won’t be in today."
You want to avoid "permissive" statements. Finish your sentences with periods, not question marks. If you ask for permission to make your choices, then you aren’t really making a choice. An alpha male will make a choice and then let someone tell them if there’s a problem with it, but he doesn’t preemptively try to find out if there’s a problem. You don’t need to be selfish and rude. It’s can only selfish if someone does respond, and you dismiss their concerns. If your friends say there’s a problem with you coming 30 minutes late because they made dinner reservations and nobody will be seated until you arrive, don’t say, "well, that’s your problem." That’s selfish. But you can choose to adjust your schedule to come 30 minutes early, or convince everyone to just push back dinner to 8:30pm. That’s alpha.
3. Have Opinions And Defend Them
Find a topic that comes up often enough in your conversations, and then research it. Come up with an opinion that bucks conventional wisdom. Here are some examples:
– "The Denver Broncos are going to get eliminated early in the NFL playoffs, Peyton Manning chokes in the playoffs."
– "Hillary Clinton is overrated and won’t be the next president, she only has hollow support from liberals."
– "Apple just isn’t the same company after Steve Jobs died, and all their recent products suck."
The topic can be even more trivial than these. But the next time it comes up in a conversation, state your opinion. As you’re bucking ‘conventional wisdom,’ you’ll probably have to defend that opinion. So defend it! I’m not saying you should be aggressively argumentative. But you’ve chose this opinion, so you shouldn’t ever apologize for defending it.
Chances are, you’ll find it’s a lot easier to convince people to your viewpoint than you think, especially if you did some decent research beforehand. At a minimum you’ll get your friends to say things like, "that’s a good point" or "I still don’t agree, but I can see your argument there." Or maybe you’re completely misinformed. In the face of compelling evidence, you can simply choose to change your opinion. Either way, once you’re used to defending your opinions on trivial topics, you’ll be able to defend your opinions on things that mean a lot to you. An alpha male may choose to change his opinion, but he’ll never be afraid of having one in the first place.
4. Don’t Tolerate a Boring Conversation
Boring conversations happen. By definition, if you think it’s boring, this is a conversation you wouldn’t choose to have. So why are you letting someone else choose the conversation for you!
Try this: the next time you’re in a boring conversation, just change the subject. Just say, "hey, let’s talk about something else," and just start talking about something else. It’s that easy. If they ask you why, just say, "I’m sorry, but I’m just not enjoying that subject very much." You may be worried that the person you’re talking to will be offended, but this almost never happens. They’ll probably just be surprised, or even apologetic. And if they are offended, that’s their problem. What entitles them to be able to force you to have an unenjoyable conversation?
Keep asserting yourself like this, and you’ll find it quickly becomes natural. Sometimes a conversation is boring because you just don’t know anything about it; well, just speak up and say something like, "I don’t really understand what you guys are talking about. Can you explain it to me, or can you guys just talk about this later when I’m not around? Again, it’s not selfish for you to say something like this. It’s simply you choosing to have conversations you want to have, just as an alpha male would.
5. Be "the Best" at an Activity
Your friends probably have some sort of group activity you like to all do. It could be playing basketball, or a video game, or poker, or anything else. Whatever the activity, try to become the best at it. An alpha male doesn’t always win, but he always chooses to try to win. Even more, he never lets anyone choose that he loses. The outcome may be the same, but there’s a difference in the process.
Excelling at an activity among your friends will boost your confidence, and that confidence will enable you to make the choices, even outside that activity. That’s why Tom Cruise and Clint Eastwood are such badasses; they’re so competent at what they do and have so much confidence that acting alpha is a mere extension of that. So for you, excelling at an activity is a good way to simulate that kind of environment. Being a badass at poker isn’t the same as being being a badass fighter pilot, but it should give you the same kind of boost for acting alpha.
These behaviors are things you can do right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ll see results instantaneously. You’re trying to break years of conditioning, and that won’t happen overnight. And as much of these examples involve social situations with your friends and everyone’s friends are different, you’ll also likely have to calibrate a bit. For example, If there’s already an ‘alpha male’ in your group, he may challenge these behaviors and you may find yourself put on the defensive more than you expected. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends anymore; multiple alpha males co-exist in "packs" all the time. But again, that’s because they both choose to co-exist. You see this in sports all the time, especially basketball: think Magic/Kareem, Jordan/Pippen, Stockton/Malone, LeBron/Wade, etc.
Once you’re comfortable with these behaviors, you’ll quickly see how you can extend them to other events in your life. You’ll have a much happier qualify of life in general, not just with women, but with your family, your friends, your school, and your workplace. You want to be the guy that people say, "that guy, he doesn’t take shit from anybody." And they will say that, because it will be true.