November 04, 2013 / 6 Reasons Why "Day Dates" Are A Bad Idea
Don't settle for coffee during her lunch break, go out on a real date, at night.
If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard people suggest meeting for coffee or some other activity during the day for a date I would be retired by now. Unfortunately, despite being popular advice, day dates are, for the most part, a horrible idea. Why? Here are 6 reasons.
1. Day dates are difficult to make romantic
When you meet a woman you are interested in romantically, you want to make things romantic! Meeting at Starbucks during the day is about as far from romantic as possible. There are romantic dates that can take place during the day but they are few and far between. The reality is that we are socially conditioned to associate romance with night time (and dim lighting etc.). Don’t make it difficult on yourself trying to come up with a way to have a romantic date during the day time: take advantage of the social construct and just meet up at night!
2. Day dates are low investment activities
When people invest in something, they almost always put in extra effort to make sure it goes well. This is why very popular (and good) advice is to "make her invest". A day date is pretty much the exact opposite: it is perhaps the type of date that requires the absolute minimum level of investment. For example, meeting someone for coffee on their lunch break requires the bare minimum effort on their part. The end result is a situation where your date does not feel she has invested much and therefore does not put in much effort.
3. Day dates are logistically terrible
You meet up for coffee during the day. Most likely, one or both of you has other plans later on that night or even day. Well, what do you do if you really hit it off and there is some physical chemistry? Good luck. There are probably other plans interfering, having to return to work, or what not. At night time, there’s rarely such an impediment to be able to take things further if there is mutual attraction. As I wrote here, not escalating enough is a very common and devastating mistake men make while dating. Don’t make it harder on yourself to escalate by agreeing to a logistically terrible daytime date.
4. Day dates are usually too platonic
Just as romance has been linked to dim lights and night time, platonic activities are often associated with day time. You have to work extra hard for an interaction during the day time to not feel like two buddies hanging out. Dating isn’t about making friends, it’s about making lovers.
5. You and her look better at night
It is much easier to look better in dimmer lighting. You can put more effort into your appearance without it appearing "try hard". The same goes for women. Women are more likely to put in more effort to look good for a night time engagement. The reason this is important is that there is a high correlation between looking your best and feeling your best. It goes back to point number (2), and investment. The more she invests, the more seriously she will take the date!
6. Night time dates display more confidence
One major reason guys ask girls on a coffee date or some other lame activity during the day is actually because they are afraid of rejection and purposefully try to make it as easy as possible for the woman to meet them. This inevitably backfires due to point (2) and also because it shows lack of confidence. If you are interested in a girl, show it with your actions, and show you have the confidence to make your intentions known and not offer some meek get together.
I could go on and on about how bad day dates are (and what makes them even worse is that those people who most definitely should NOT be doing day dates are the ones doing them!) but hopefully you get the picture. Make societal norms work in your favor by meeting women at night. If you insist on a day date, check back soon for our article on how to make a day date good.