October 07, 2013 / 6 Ways To Combat Approach Anxiety
Work your way up to approaching women you are interested in with these 6 intermediate steps.
Approaching women is a crucial skill
Being able to approach women and start an interaction with them is a small yet crucial part of being successful with women. Unfortunately, many men find the mere act of approaching a woman to be incredibly difficult. This difficulty is often referred to as "approach anxiety." Usually, the culprit of this issue is a fear of rejection (read about three types of fear of rejections here) which has roots in evolution theory. This article though, is about solutions.
The standard therapy doesn’t always cure approach anxiety
The standard solution to conquering approach anxiety is to simply go ahead and do it anyway. Don’t worry about the outcome of an interaction; simply go out and approach women. If this is too difficult to get motivated to do, hiring a coach or instructor virtually guarantees that you will conquer your approach anxiety. However, if you are one of the millions of men in the world who cannot approach women you already KNOW what you have to do, but yet you still can’t get yourself to do it!
6 intermediate steps to help you conquer approach anxiety
Believe it or not, I used to be in those shoes. I struggled not only approaching women but so much as looking at women I was interested in for a long time. I know that "just suck it up, grow some balls, and do it" doesn’t work for everyone. If you fall into this category, here are 6 exercises that can help you slowly ease your way into full on approaching a woman with your intentions known. Note, I have organized them in order of what I feel is easiest to hardest, but difficulty level of these exercises is very individualized, so I recommend starting with the ones you feel are easiest for you and build up from there.
1. Don’t divert your eyes for women
Many men who suffer from approach anxiety are not even comfortable looking at attractive women. For exercise (1), practice not turning away when in the presence of women. Maintain how you would normally be looking or behaving even when a pretty woman is in your presence.
2. Make eye contact when talking to women
Even if you don’t have the courage to talk to women you are romantically interested in, I am pretty sure you probably have to talk to women in your everyday life. When talking to these women, practice looking at them in the eyes. Seriously, even practice on your family members if you need to!
3. Ask an extra line of service industry women
Next time you are at a restaurant, don’t just say two please to the hostess, ask her: "Hey, how are you?" or some other benign question before telling her what you want. This is great to do with any woman not just service industry women, but it should be much easier with a woman working in a customer facing role.
4. Look and smile at women
Just look and smile at any random woman walking down the street or wherever. It doesn’t need to be long: look for less than one second before cracking a smile and then continue going about your business. The whole time between looking, smiling, and going back to whatever it was you were doing should take around two seconds if that.
5. Say "Hi" to women
If you can conquer step (4), try adding a "Hi" to that interaction. Don’t worry about her stopping or not or even whether she responds. Simply continue to go about your business after you say "Hi".
6. Say "Hi’ to a woman you are attracted to
This is almost no different than step (5). I know you are thinking you want something good to say etc. because you care about the outcome and don’t want to screw it up and only want to approach her when you are ready etc. etc. but i have some bad news for you: highly desirable women are unlikely to be interested in someone who can’t even talk to an attractive woman. You will most likely have to "sacrifice" some of your initial interactions with pretty girls in order to develop the confidence and skills necessary to eventually get the girls you want.
There you have it, 6 exercises that should help you overcome approach anxiety if the old adage of "just approach, approach, approach" doesn’t work for you. Once you conquer your fear of saying "Hi" to a woman, check out our article: 6 Ways to Approach Her.
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