Josh Sway
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/ 9 Ways To Get Women To Approach You

Tired of approaching women all the time? Here are 9 ways to get them to come to you!


Approaching women is a crucial skill that I write about often. (Check out our articles 6 ways to approach women and 6 Ways to Combat Approach Anxiety) You will never be able to maximize your potential with women if you do not know how to approach them. However, often my biggest successes with women have been when they approached me first! How can you get women to approach you? What’s the secret?

The secret to getting women to approach you is drawing their attention. But as Vince Vaughn says in Wedding Crashers: "draw attention to yourself on your own terms." Drawing their attention is often easier said than done. Here are 9 ways to attract their attention without appearing like a show off, clown, or worse!

1. Be the guy everyone is listening to

How many times have you seen this scenario out at a bar or a party: One guy is surrounded by 4 or 5 other guys, all listening to him tell a story. Who is more attractive in this scenario? The guy in the middle, or the guys listening to him? Clearly the guy in the middle. Be that guy. Be the story teller, not the listener. If women see people interested in listening to you, they will be interested in what you have to say.

2. Be the host

Are you going to a lot of small house parties or organized events? Why not host one! Being the host of a gathering is a surefire way to have women approach you. It is also a great overall show of value. it doesn’t have to be something big. Note that even if you host something without ANY women it is a valuable experience as you can apply the "host mentality" to situations where you are out with a reasonably sized group.

3. Play a fun game with friends

About ten years ago, I was in Montreal with a few friends. It was probably 5 of us (all guys) at a random dive bar. We were having a few drinks, enjoying ourselves, when one of my group had the genius idea to start playing "Quarters". Before we knew it, we became the star attraction at the bar. Apparently, the game hadn’t caught on in Montreal at the time and it was the first time half the bar had even seen it. All it took was a silly drinking game and we went from being the random foreigners to the life of the party. The morale of the story? Playing a dumb drinking game at the bar, or something similar can garner you a lot of positive attention! Basically, if you and your friends look like you’re having a blast, others will naturally gravitate towards you.

4. Peacock

Peacocking is not for everybody (I wrote about that here) but one thing peacocking is good at is drawing attention to yourself. The quality of the attention is questionable, but if you are confident in yourself and are comfortable dealing with the potential of people poking fun at you, peacocking might be for you. You don’t have to go all out "Mystery" style; a cool hat or accessory is sometimes enough. Something that glows also works wonders, especially at night clubs.

5. Know people at the venue

Women are attracted to "social proof". Social proof is essentially indirect confirmation that you are a quality guy based on the fact that other people think you are a quality guy. Knowing and engaging many people at a particular venue (such as the doorman, bartender, and other patrons) is a great way to build social proof.

6. If you online date, have an incredible profile

One of the easiest ways to get women to approach you is online w/online dating. The key is having an extremely catchy profile. You can learn more about online dating from our e-book: Sway Seduction.

7. Expand your dating surface area

We wrote about this here. Joining a meetup group, doing an intramural sport, going to classes at the gym, etc. are all easy ways to not only meet women, but also great settings for women to feel comfortable approaching you.

8. Be a performer

I don’t mean paint your face and wear a clown outfit, but being able to perform a skill (such as picking up the guitar at your friends house party and stringing together a couple tunes) is a great way to get women to approach you. Guitar isn’t the only skill, even being able to do silly magic tricks is can get women’s attention and make them approach you. Don’t overdo being a performer though; there is a fine line between casually doing something you know will attract attention and begging for attention by overdoing it.

9. Build a good reputation

If you build a name for yourself at a particular venue or even on a larger scale, you run a high chance that women will be directed to you by those who know you. It’s a great feeling when friends or others send women your way! But for that to happen, you need to build a reputation as "someone worth knowing".

These are just 9 of the many ways you can get women to approach you. However, almost every method follows a similar pattern: attract attention and demonstrate social proof. Try these out!





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