December 14, 2014 / Are You a Social Producer?
Explaining the differences between a social producer and a social consumer.
The weekend is coming up, and you want to go out big with your friends. You send a group text out and see who’s free. You tell everyone to come to your place to have a few drinks before you head out. You call the bar or club and make the arrangements necessary to be able to skip the line and have your own setup inside. You collect the money from your friends beforehand. Once everyone’s at your place, you get enough Uber and Lyft cars ready to take everyone out.
Have you ever done this? If not, you should. Because I guarantee you your friends will have a great time. Why wouldn’t they? You set things up, and all they had to do was show up.
In other words, you were a social producer. Simply stated, a social producer is someone who creates social entertainment and value for others. Conversely, a social consumer is someone who enjoys that entertainment and value.
Why Being a Social Producer Matters
Because this is fundamentally what all social interaction is based on. Spending time with friends is leisure, but social production determines how enjoyable that leisure actually is. Social production also isn’t limited to just one person among friends, and doesn’t need to be nearly as elaborate as the example I used in this article’s introduction. If you ask your friend to come over on Sunday and watch NFL games, and he brings over pizza and beer, then you’ve both contributed to each others’ social entertainment and value.
You can reduce the concept of social production to a simple question: "If I didn’t show up, would people have less fun?"
Among your good friends, this is probably always true. It’s always more fun when you’re all out together. You all probably have a lot in common, whether it’s your interests or sense of humor, which makes it easy to all socially produce for each other. You share Youtube videos you know the other guys will find hilarious. You have the same stupid arguments about sports or TV shows that are pointless but entertaining. You riff on each others’ jokes.
But the more you can be a social producer outside of your good friends, the better off you’ll be, especially with women. Here’s why.
Why This Matters To Women
Ask any woman what qualities she looks for in a guy, and one of the things she says will almost invariably be something like, "I want to date a guy that I can have fun with."
As Josh has said repeatedly in previous articles, she’s really saying "I want to date a guy — who I’m attracted to — that can provide fun for me." In other words, she’s looking for a good social producer.
If you’re only seeing her once or a handful of times, this isn’t that important. But if you date for any period of time, it matters. Imagine you’ve just met a girl, and that next weekend you text her and ask her to come to your place. She does, and you have sex with her, and she leaves. The next weekend, you do the same thing — text her and ask her to come over. Then the weekend after that. And after that. When she suggests you do something else, you just respond, "no, just come over and let’s have sex."
Even if she’s extremely attracted to you and you’re having mind-blowing sex, eventually she will get bored. She’ll stop coming over. You aren’t enough of a social producer, and you’ve rejected all her attempts to be a social producer.
You’re Not Being Accommodating, Just Annoying
Let’s use a less extreme example. Say you’re dating a girl, and she tells you, "Thank god this week is over. Let’s do something fun on Friday."
This is usually a bad conversation to have with her:
- You: "Okay, what do you want to do?"
- Her: "I don’t know, I just want to go out somewhere."
- You: "Where do you want to go?"
- Her: "I don’t know, somewhere fun?"
- You: "Okay, where’s that?"
- Her: "I don’t know, let’s go out to dinner or something."
- You: "Sure, that works for me."
- Her: "In the mood for any restaurant in particular?"
- You: "Nah, I’m fine with whatever."
- Her: "Ugh!"
She’s pissed and you don’t know why. You were willing to go out. She was the one that wanted to do "something fun," how are you supposed to know what that actually means? And she’s the one that wanted to go out to dinner. You didn’t have a preference. If she wanted to go to dinner so bad, shouldn’t she appreciate you letting her pick where to go?
You may think you’re being accommodating, but you’re not. These conversations are a girl looking for her guy to be a social producer at a the moment, and you’re dropping the ball. You may be thinking, "well I’m just being laid-back and open to anything, stating my own preference will just impose on she wants to do, what’s wrong with that?" But she won’t interpret it that way, and she’ll just be frustrated with you.
Obviously if you’re dating a girl who is constantly saying, "hint hint, entertain me," then that’s going to get exhausting really quick. But sometimes one of the easiest way to be a social producer is to just have an opinion when prompted. It’s very likely you could have said something like, "how about sushi?" and she’d say, "oh, that’s a good suggestion!" And boom. You are the "fun" guy she’s always telling everyone she’s looking for.
How Can You Improve as a Social Producer?
Some people can be social producers merely by attending a social event. Their personalities are so magnetic, interesting, or humorous that their mere presence enhances everything. Everyone literally has a better time because they’re there.
But social production doesn’t just come from being a social adept extrovert. There are a lot of ways you can improve and become a social producer. Josh touched on this in his article about The Fun and The Bank, but I have other suggestions you may not have considered. Look for them in a future article.