Jun 12, 2014 / Asking What Women Want Is A Bad Question
If you ask a bad question, you'll get bad answers.
TVJ and I use analogies from bad romantic comedies on a regular basis. Usually, we use movies to demonstrate exactly what you shouldn't do. TVJ gave a good example in <a title="Love Actually…Doesn’t Work Like This At All, Or On Your Oneitis" href="/articles/view/love-actually-doesnt-work-like-this-at-all-or-on-your-oneitis/">this article about oneitis</a>. Despite it appearing to work on seemingly realistic characters in movies that seems to tell stories that could conceivably occur in real life, at the end of the day, Hollywood is about entertaining, not educating, and reality is readily, easily and regularly suspended to that end.
Another common source of advice men seek out is the advice of women. It makes sense: who better to ask what a woman wants than a woman? Why is it then, that women often give quite ineffective advice to men? I wrote about some of the reasons <a href="/newsletter/view/why-women-give-terrible-dating-advice-usually/e6d32d2f36">here</a>. however the real issue isn't anything TVJ wrote about in his article, or that I wrote about in my article. The real issue is that the question is flawed: asking what women want makes no sense!
<h4>What's the solution to an equation?</h4>
The question above is the source of all confusion regarding "What women want". Asking "What women want?" is like asking "What's the solution to an equation?" Well, what equation? There are infinitely many equations, each with either a single solution, no solutions, or many solutions. Some equations are similar, others drastically different. There is no logical answer to the question "what is the solution to an equation" yet for some reason the equally illogical question "What do woman want?" is supposed to have concrete answers.
If you start asking dating questions isomorphic to: "What is X in the equation X+3 = 5?" or at the least isomorphic to: "What are some solutions to X+Y+Z = 25?", then you can start getting answers that are useful, make sense, and might actually be "correct!"
<h4>Blanks you don't want filled for you are filled</h4>
Unfortunately, the results of asking the overly vague illogical question in dating doesn't always yield a puzzled look. What ends up happening is that unlike in the math world, where asking "What is the solution to an equation?" Will get an answer like: "What equation?" In the dating world, people will simply fill in the details for you with whatever they want and then answer that! It is this "blank filling" that is the true source of some very bad advice, but the cause isn't the advice giver, it's you, the guy who asked the bad question to begin with.