May 18, 2014 / Attraction Not Attrition
Dating is about attraction, not wars of attrition.
In the fall of 1864, union general William Sherman began the Savannah Campaign in the American Civil War. The campaign started with Sherman’s troops leaving the city of Atlanta and ended after capturing the port city Savannah. The campaign is notable because Sherman ordered his men not just to attack military targets, but also industry, infrastructure, and civilian property. Sherman’s troops dismantled railroads, raided farms, and just generally destroyed everything in their path.
You probably learned about this in your high school history class as "Sherman’s March to Sea," and it’s estimated to have caused over $100 million in property damage. It was also one of the best examples of attrition warfare in history.
In attrition warfare, the strategy is to spend time, money, resources, and lives to gradually wear down your opposition to the point of submission. It is a costly strategy which is often devastating to both sides, including the eventual winner. Even when it’s successful, it’s hardly considered an ideal military strategy.
In dating, the attrition mentality is no different; it is an arduous process always requiring time and often requiring money and resources in order to finally secure a "victory" by wearing down your target woman to the point where she eventually just gives in to your constant attempts at seduction. It can work, but it is hardly an ideal strategy. A much better approach to getting women is via attraction, not attrition.
In dating, attrition usually doesn’t work
In warfare, attrition is a strategy that may be inefficient, but it has proven to be effective throughout history. Losses suffered by your side are acceptable as long as they’re smaller than the losses suffered by your enemy. But in dating, not only is attrition inefficient, it is usually also quite ineffective. Badgering a woman over and over to go out with you is more annoying than it is convincing. Showering a woman with lavish gifts is slightly more effective than badgering, but is costly and time consuming, and still not that effective. Constantly being in her face trying to be near her and see her in any capacity, even non-romantic, is a lot of work andis more likely to result in a restraining order than a date.
I wrote about women and logic earlier, and made the key point that you want a woman to use logic after you’ve interacted with her. What you don’t want to do is present a logical case for why you both are compatible and should go out, and what you definitely don’t want to do is make that point over and over again. It’s not romantic, it’s not attractive, and it doesn’t appeal to her emotional side where you’re seeking to build attraction.
By engaging in this war of attrition, you’re just forcing her to reject you over and over again. If your ego can take it, you may not feel like you took heavy losses in your war of attrition. But you definitely didn’t win, either.
Attraction is the key to success with women
If attrition is ineffective than what is? Maybe there are some "weird tricks" which you can use to get women without going through an arduous grinding down process? As I’ve written about earlier, "weird tricks" do not get you laid either. There is no magic formula or secret sauce. It’s only attraction that gets you women.
You can do this by the way you behave, the way you look, the success you have accomplished in life, your sense of humor, your social status, or any combination of the aforementioned (and more).
Much of JoshSway.com is dedicated to learning how to become more attractive and how to appear more attractive to women. Generally speaking, you will not wear a girl down through attrition into dating you, and you won’t be able to use "one weird trick" to get a girl to sleep with you before she even realizes it’s happening. The way you are going to get women is by being attractive to them and making them attracted to you. Focus on building attraction and the rest of the seduction process will happen naturally.