November 30, 2013 / Avoid Being A Marked Man
Approaching many women is great, but if you overdo it you may become "marked".
One of the common tenants of dating and success with women involves approaching as many of them as possible. Approaching women will not only get you valuable experience with women, but also improve your confidence, help you overcome approach anxiety issues, and ensure that you are exploring all potential options not leaving anything to chance. Interestingly though, many guys who are very successful with women do not approach all the women they see. There are a few reasons for this; but the one I want to discuss in this article is the issue of becoming "Marked".
What does it mean to be marked?
When I say "marked" I mean being the guy that gets marked by the rest of the establishment as that creepy guy who just goes up to every girl at the venue and hits on her. Being a social guy is a good thing, and if girls see you talking to people that is generally a display of high value (DHV), but too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. If you approach any and every group of girls, even ones who are in one on one conversations with guys and other obviously low percentage approaches, you will be seen getting "blown out" of groups too often which will actually paint you as much more of a creep and a loser than a high value social guy.
How to avoid being marked?
I generally do not go up to any and every girl at the bar. It is a style that works for some but it is not my style. This is the easiest way to avoid being marked. If you are not constantly approaching everyone; if you are being more selective with your approaches, you are highly unlikely to be marked. However, what if you want to approach a ton of women? There are still ways to minimize becoming marked.
1. Do not overdue peacocking.
Peacocking can be a valuable attention grabber for some men, but it isn’t for everyone. (Read more here). I find that one problem with peacocking unless you are extremely skilled with women is that you become very easy to identify for marking purposes. A guy who hits on everyone might be able to blend in at a crowded bar, but a guy wearing a big top hat and yellow blazer hitting on everyone? Forget about it.
2. Establish a home base
If you have a "home base" with your friends etc. that you spend a good amount of time at, then it will help "dilute" the amount of time you are roaming around talking to every girl in sight. You do not have to dilute the number of girls you talk to, but spreading them out by returning to a home base can help make it appear like you are approaching less women than you really are.
3. Avoid obvious wastes of time
I’ve been out with guys who are pretty successful but they are horribly inefficient and get marked way too often. One reason is that they approach literally everything. They approach guys who are on dates with a girl, for example. These approaches are almost always a total waste of time and will get you marked very easily because they usually end up in fast blowouts which are the most damaging approaches.
4. Approach "incidentally"
Instead of chasing a woman around a bar, wait for her to end up near you, or talk to her on your way to the bathroom, or on your way to the bar, etc. Approaching those around you is much more natural than going up to someone to talk to them and will not only make it easier to approach but also make it much less likely you become "marked".
5. Avoid makeouts
One other way to easily get marked is by making out with a girl. Women who have witnessed you making out may not be interested and furthermore, the woman you made out with, depending on the venue (this happens a lot in smaller venues or house parties) may become a clinger which will ruin your chances with any other woman. I do not make out with a woman unless I want to commit to her for the night or it is a very big venue. In general, I find makeouts don’t mean that much anyways so I don’t feel I am giving much up to leave my options open for the night.
There are other ways to avoid becoming a marked man, but these should give you a start. Approaching is great, but there is a downside to approaching everyone, so find the right balance and use these tips to lower your odds of being the creepy guy who hits on everything that moves.