December 04, 2014 / Be A Closer
Don't forget your ABC's: Always Be Closing.
Opening is a big topic in the seduction world. Whether it be conquering approach anxiety, or how to open girls on the street, opening seems to capture the fascination of many aspiring pick up artists. We devote a lot to opening on Josh Sway as well: such as our 6 ways to conquer approach anxiety article and our 15 day game opener article linked above, and even one of our e-books, The Art Of Sway, a Guide to approaching women. However, as we’ve also written in the past, approaching is only 10% of the battle. This article is about the other 90%.
Meet My Friend Steve
I don’t know a single person more successful with women than my friend Steve. Steve has been with so many women he couldn’t even tell how you how many to the nearest hundred. Sure, Steve is cool, successful, smart, tall, and good looking. But what’s fascinating about Steve’s success is that he manages to score the most beautiful women on a regular basis all while being an absolutely horrible opener.
That’s right, Steve sucks at opening. He suffers from every problem in the book. He has approach anxiety, he doesn’t know what to say to get a conversation started, and to make matters even worse, he tends to sweat profusely when he initially starts talking to a girl he’s interested in.
Yet Steve gets laid with more women than any guy I know.
Steve is a Closer
The reason Steve is so successful with women is because what Steve lacks in opening skill, he more than makes up for in closing. Once Steve overcomes his approach anxiety and opening issues (and admittedly, his looks help girls cut him some slack in the initial minutes) and settles into his groove, it’s game on. He makes them laugh, he gets physical at the right time, he applies just the right amount of eye contact and he knows exactly when it’s time to isolate and escalate. He’s also a master at logistics; he’s seemingly always at the right place at the right time and is somehow always hitting on the "right" girl. In order to find out more about how to master closing like Steve, I sat down with him the other day to learn some of his secrets and here is what I’ve learned, and that I want to share with you:
Steve’s 3 Secrets To Being A Closer
Steve boiled down his success to three simple concepts, many of which we’ve actually already previously written about on JoshSway.com.
Secret 1: Target Selection
His first secret was that of target selection. Steve knows he’s a bad opener, so in order to compensate, he puts a lot of energy seeking out women who are easy to approach, women who approach him, women he is introduced to, and women who he feels are looking for a guy. I asked Steve about our 6 principles of target selection and he agreed with them all, but he also added an important one I was missing: the mutual acquaintance.
Mutual acquaintances make for excellent seduction targets because they give you a huge edge in the end game. It’s much easier for a woman to feel comfortable getting intimate with a guy who shares mutual friends than a random stranger.
While there is the obvious benefit of considerably more safety and security going home with someone with whom you share a common connection, that’s not the only reason women are more comfortable with a mutual acquaintance than a random guy at the bar. A mutual acquaintance has already been ‘vetted’ by a friend and as such, women will assume they have a variety of quality attributes, and not just comfort attributes. For instance, in addition to comfort attributes assumed of mutual acquaintances (such as less likelihood of just looking for a one night stand), mutual acquaintances have an added bonus of assumed DHV attributes such as friendliness, social proof, and trustworthiness.
Secret 2: Always Be Closing
Steve’s second secret to being a closer is to go for the close every time. We’ve emphasized this point multiple times here at Josh Sway and Steve reinforced this with me. Even if Steve is out of town he’ll propose getting a hotel room for the night or going to her place. There isn’t much to elaborate on here. Basically, he will do whatever it takes to make it happen and will go through any length possible to overcome logistical barriers. And if you want to be a closer, you need to be doing the same. Don’t fear failure: Always be closing.
Secret 3: Isolate
Steve’s third and final key to being a successful closer is to isolate early. Steve finds that it is often pretty easy to isolate early if there is attraction, so there’s little reason not to. Plus, if she rejects his isolation because it’s too early, there’s no harm done: it’s not like she is going to run away. We wrote about isolation strategies in this article. Once he has isolated, it’s much easier to build not only more attraction, but the comfort necessary to close.
Steve also shared a clever isolation techniques that he uses. He calls ‘text message isolation’. This technique requires you to get a girls’ number early in the interaction and then, text her shortly after with an isolation request. This is a great technique you can use if you were separated from the girl or if you are talking to her as part of a group. For example, if you are in a group of 4 and you want to isolate her, try texting: "Hey, meet me at the bar in 5 min for a surprise!" or something of the sort. This way you can subtly pull your target away from the group with minimal resistance.
It’s worth noting that text message isolation generally requires a high degree of attraction since it requires getting her number early on.
You Can Be Better Than Steve
If your focus has been primarily on approaching and opening, that’s not a bad thing. This article isn’t suggesting you should abandon all your attempts to improve your approaches and negate approach anxiety. Ideally, you can be good at both opening and closing. If Steve was able to overcome his problems with approaching and opening, he’d get laid even more than he does now.
But I mentioned Steve because I notice some guys focus so much on approaching and opening that they lose sight of the forest for the trees. They start from a place of thinking, "I just want to learn how to talk to girls and get them attracted to me," and then they feel good when they apply the advice they learn on JoshSway.com and are able to, well, talk to girls.
It can feel great when you start building the confidence to approach girls, and reach key milestones like getting their phone number or kissing them. But then I see too many guys limit their focus on this aspect. They’ll go out with their friends, approach ten girls, get three phone numbers, and maybe end up with one date which goes nowhere because they have no idea how to close.
Look, opening obviously matters. Don’t focus so much on opening that you neglect working on closing. You don’t even need to be good at opening to be good at closing — my friend Steve is the perfect example! Because while opening gets you in the game, it’s closing that decides whether you win or lose that game, and that’s what really matters.