One infuriating concept in the seduction community that, in my opinion, hurts men's success significantly is the concept of "maintaining frame". While on its own, "maintaining a frame" is not necessarily bad advice: you shouldn't needlessly supplicate to women, you shouldn't act needy, you shouldn't apologize for every little thing, and you generally shouldn't worry about being bold and expressing sexual interest. However, everything needs to be put in context; in the context of your true goal: to get the woman. Your goal is not to maintain frame. What that means is, sometimes you have to break frame if breaking frame is going to get you the results you want (like getting laid, or a date, or a relationship).
A classic example
One of the poor pieces of advice I regularly see on dating sites and from seduction experts is to not pay for your date. Suggest she pays, or at least split it. This is generally speaking, horrible advice in the context of a date. Occasionally, guys will ask questions about what to do when they try to follow this horrible advice and the girl snaps back with something like: "Are you fucking kidding me you cheap ass?". Most of the followup advice ends up being more horrible advice, ranging from the "oh she must be a gold-digger because she was offended that wouldn't pay for her" to "don't accept that, maintain your frame, you are the prize".
The right answer is to do whatever you can to backtrack (for example, "Whoa just kidding!" or "HA, my friend was telling me to ask you to pay and I told him it would go horribly wrong.") Sure, this is not "maintaining frame". Sure it is "supplicating", but, it has just increased your odds of a second date or getting laid from 0% to a number much higher than 0% assuming she even liked you at all.
Another common occurrence during dating is accidentally offending a girl while trying to execute a neg
. This is an extremely common mistake many men make when they are just starting to apply the seduction material they read about on the web. In general, the cause of the offense is that too many confuse a neg for an insult and end up insulting the girl instead of properly "negging" her.
It happens, and on its own, it may not be a deal breaker; however, if, in an effort to continue to appear "alpha", "hard to get", or to "maintain frame" you don't just apologize or figure out a way to move on. The end result is turning a minor mistake into a disaster.
I only covered two, but there are countless situations where an action you think is alpha or maintaining frame ends up being offensive or backfires, and when that happens, you don't keep standing by the idiotic thing you said or did for the sake of "maintaining frame". Remember, what works on one girl doesn't necessarily work on another, and what didn't offend one girl may offend another. That is why calibration
is crucial, and why you need to focus on the end goal here, which is to get laid, not "maintain your frame" or "out alpha" the girl you are on a date with.
Break frame when you need to
Look. This article isn't a license to be a pussy, it's a lesson in prioritizing and not losing sight of your goals. Being alpha, manly, and sexual are attractive traits, but sometimes the expression of those traits can backfire. If you recognize this happening, don't keep on the same path, break frame, because your goal isn't maintaining frame, it's getting laid.