June 01, 2014 / Challenge Yourself Realistically
It's ok to challenge yourself, but do it in a logical, progressive way.
I have the following conversation with my friends who are not particularly successful with women all the time:
Me: "Dude, what are you doing wasting your time hitting on the waitress who is obviously not interested? There are plenty of girls here to talk to."
Guy: "Whatever, she is hot and I want to challenge myself."
Me: "Challenge? When was the last time you’ve gotten any girl at this bar? Challenge yourself within reason!"
This dynamic is all too common, in particular with men who are not successful with women. Instead of starting small and building up their skills, they believe that if they keep hammering away at the most difficult girls to get (attractive "hired guns", for example) they will eventually just figure it out.
But why? Why would anyone think this? Would you think if you barely know algebra that you could learn multivariable calculus by opening a multivariable calculus book to the last page and trying to do the problems there? Of course not! Would you think that the most effective way to get good at basketball is to play LeBron James one on one over and over and over again? Obviously not. Would you think that if you are a 1200 rated chess player, only playing 2700+ rated grandmasters is the optimal way to improve? No way!
But, for some reason, so many men believe that dating and seduction is unlike all of those other skills, that somehow, when it comes to dating and seduction, the natural learning process doesn’t apply and that you don’t need to practice, you don’t need to progressively build up your skills, and you can often rely on some epiphany or weird trick to achieve all of your goals with women. You can just hammer away at the "2700 rated girl" and eventually you’ll just start getting them. Sorry, doesn’t work like that.
Dating is like every other skill
Dating is like every other skill, and the natural learning process applies just as it does to other skills. That process involves trial and error, repetition, and progressive increases in difficulty; emphasis on progressive. This does not mean not to challenge yourself, but it means to challenge yourself realistically. Don’t go for the perfect 10 when you have never even successfully dated a "6″. Don’t only try to approach the hottest girl at the bar if you have major approach anxiety. And if you online date, don’t just blast the hottest girls you see with an e-mail you haven’t tested and a profile you don’t know will yield you results.
Instead, do what you would do if you were learning any other skill:
Approach anxiety? Progressively move yourself closer to approaching the women you are interested in. A way to do that is highlighted here.
First dates not going well? Go on more first dates, and try to change some of the variables around.
Struggling to close the deal with any girl? Learn how to take things to the finish line initially with women who are clearly interested in you, and not just blindly going after the hottest woman at the bar who may not be interested.
You get the point.
If you find your sex and dating life unfulfilled take a step back and ask yourself if perhaps you are challenging yourself in an unrealistic way?