November 07, 2014 / Choose Your Battles with AMOGs
You can defeat the AMOG, but is it worth it?
You approach the girl at the bar. She smiles, she’s open to your advances, and you’re off. She’s laughing at your jokes, she’s making eye contact, and she stays by your side when her other friends go to the bathroom. You can literally feel yourself building attraction with her, and you start thinking about ways you can isolate and escalate.
Then, it happens. A tall good-looking guy approaches, and puts his hands on both on you. Just as you’re about to ask "who the fuck are you?", the girl answers the question for you.
"Hey! This is my friend Hunter."
Of course it is. The AMOG is always named Hunter, or Justin, or Tucker. The AMOG, or "Alpha Male of the Group," one of the most difficult obstacles you’ll encounter when you’re out approaching women. He’s the guy that can blow up your chances with the girl before you even know what’s going on, whisking her out to the dance floor and leaving you in the dust with just your bruised ego as company.
Let’s be clear. When it happens, it sucks. You’re going to be frustrated, and you’re going to want to do something about it. You’re going to go home that night, fire up your computer, and research what kinds of strategies and techniques you can use to "beat the AMOG."
These strategies and techniques do exist. You can invest time and effort to learn these. I even have an entire chapter on how to overcome the AMOG in my book The Art of Sway: A Handbook to Approaching Women.
But unless you feel like all the other areas of your game as strong, I would actually advise you not to do this.
Because Beating an AMOG Means Playing on "Hard Mode"
Beating an AMOG is hard because it’s not a straightforward competition of a woman’s attraction. Winning would simply be a case of building more attraction with her than your competition. Which means any tactics would be identical, because you’re already trying to maximize her attraction to you anyway! In fact, even if she was attracted to another guy more than you, I’ve already written about how you can still end up with her.
But competing with the AMOG isn’t just a matter of making her more attracted to you than him. Your goal is to get the girl, but his goal is to prevent you from getting the girl. In many cases, the AMOG is a good friend of hers and has no sexual interest. He may even be her brother. You are figuratively fighting a battle on two fronts.
This is why you’re playing on "hard mode." If you stand up to the AMOG too aggressively, you losing her attentions as yours is focused somewhere else. If that happens, he wins. Imagine an extreme case where the AMOG comes out of nowhere and sucker punches you, bloodying your nose, but then you retaliate and beat the crap out of him. Great, you "won." Except you didn’t, because the girl probably isn’t going to just stand there and say, "so, where were we?" She’s going to be horrified by your bloody nose, and her friend having the crap beat out of him, and the bouncers shoving you all outside and calling the police. The phrase "winning the battle but losing the war" would never be so appropriate.
So my advice is, don’t play on hard mode until you’re ready to do so. Here are some ways you can easily avoid situation that would require you to do so.
1. Don’t Approach Girls With AMOGs
You walk into the bar with another friend. At one table you spot two girls. At another table you spot two guys with six girls. Who should you approach?
Approach the two girls. With the other group, you may think at most two girls will be paired off with the two guys, which leaves four options. Four girls is better than two, right? Except, no. Two girls are better than four girls on hard mode.
It may hurt your ego to do it, but are you worried about your pride, or about getting women? Scan the venue and make a note of guys who seem to be hitting it off with lots of women (in particular those who are moving around the venue) and try to literally avoid them. When you do engage with a woman, position yourself in a way that is physically more difficult for any AMOG to reach the woman.
2. Don’t Talk to the AMOG
Sometimes the only winning move is not to play.
If you do find an AMOG entering your physical space, just try literally ignoring him. When the girl says, "This is my friend Hunter!" just glance at him, then turn your attention back to the girl and continue the conversation as if he didn’t exist.
If he insisted on interacting with you, just give him the barest acknowledgment possible. Don’t try and "match wits" or "out-alpha" him. Just pretend whatever comes out of his mouth is barely worth listening to. In a best case scenario, if you refuse to acknowledge the AMOG and the girl seems interested in continuing the conversation with you, that alone could be enough to AMOG to find someone else to entertain himself.
But sometimes you won’t be able to do this without seeming rude or oblivious, and that’s okay. In these cases, the girl may still go off with the AMOG. But at least you didn’t lose because you focused your attention away from the girl, which is how these AMOG battles are lost.
3. Use Your Wingmen
If you’re going to fight a war on two fronts, then you might as well do it with two people. If your wingmen are not engaging women while you’re hitting it off with one, have them help you defuse a potential AMOG threat by occupying him or even physically obstructing him. I’m not saying he should be boxing him out like he’s Tim Duncan — all he needs to do is present himself as a physical obstacle between you and the girl.
I’ve found this is a great role for your friends that are already in exclusive relationships. They should have no problem neutralizing an AMOG because they’re not talking to girls anyway.
4. Avoid AMOG Venues
I learned this lesson hard my freshman year of college. Most of the social scene involved going to frat parties, which is literally walking into a den of AMOGs. Even guys that would normally be AFCs in any other context, easily became alpha males in the context of their own frat. And why not? It was their their turf. I can’t even count how many girls I’d talk to, think things were going well, and then have some "bro" in a hooded sweatshirt and backwards hat ask her to go upstairs and do shots.
So if you know there’s a venue with a ton of potential AMOG competition, just avoid the venue. If you agreed on a venue with a few friends, this technique isn’t always that practical, but many times, guys remain in a venue with lots of competition for no logical reason. Are you being successful with women in the current venue, or is every other guy being successful but you? Instead of hanging your head and feeling like a loser, just leave and go somewhere else!
Are you Ready for Hard Mode?
As you can see, dealing with an AMOG adds an extra degree of difficulty that isn’t worth dealing with when you have other options. But some of you may think your game is advanced enough that you’re ready for some AMOG advice. Or you may be in a situation where you constantly have to deal with AMOGs, and it’s not practical to simply avoid them.
In future articles, I’ll give you advice on how to efficiently and effectively neutralize AMOGs. It’s not easy, but it can be done, and like anything, it can be practiced and improved over time. So watch for future articles on this topic, and if you can’t wait, just order The Art of Sway: A Handbook to Approaching Women for an in-depth discussion on dealing with AMOGs.