August 03, 2014 / Cold Approaches Aren’t The Only Way
You don't have to blindly go up to girls to be successful with women.
When are cold approaches suboptimal?
Before I continue with this section, I want to clarify something: cold approaches are a great way to meet women. It is an approach that can and does work for just about anyone. However, that does not mean it is always the most *optimal* approach. Here are some scenarios where cold approaches are not optimal:
1. Low social proof
If you have low social proof at a venue, it is better to focus on building a baseline level of social proof before performing numerous cold approaches. Venues have a limited number of options so you don’t want to ‘waste’ them by approaching from a starting point of weak value.
2. Burn out (becoming marked)
I wrote about not becoming a marked man in an earlier article. If you cold approach too many women at the same venue, your returns will become drastically diminished because you may become ‘marked’. Women will notice you are going up to every girl and be turned off by that.
3. You are ugly
Important: most likely, this simply does not apply to you. But if you are one of the few % of people who are genuinely ugly (I’ll have an article about ugliness on the site soon, so check back here) then cold approaching may be a frustrating experience. Social proof, internet dating (not Tinder) and social circle driven techniques are likely to be much more effective.
4. You suffer from crippling approach anxiety.
Approach anxiety hits all of us, including very experienced "PUAs". However, if your approach anxiety is extremely crippling, it may make sense for you to seek out women thru other avenues as opposed to cold approaches WHILE YOU WORK ON YOUR APPROACH ANXIETY ISSUES. You can and should overcome approach anxiety, but I have found that getting women while you work out those issues actually help you overcome those issues due to the confidence boost of succeeding. Online dating works wonders for getting women without dealing with approach anxiety.
5. You have high social proof
Not every reason to not cold approach is a negative one. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to cold approach because you have much more effective ways to meet women. For example, do you think Ryan Gosling needs to approach women when he’s out at a bar? Try more like picking and choosing from a buffet line. Not all of us can be a rich famous celebrity, but there are still many settings where you may have very high social proof which you are simply throwing away by roaming around a venue looking for women to cold approach.
6. Your cold approach game is restricted to day-game
Daygame is a tool, but it is not a great way to meet women. If the only way you can cold approach women is during the day (you are under 21 for example), try meeting women through friends or at < 21 venues and events. Day-game can work but it is a very suboptimal way to meet women because you almost never have high value coming into the approach unless you are very good looking (the only thing you can really be judged on before you open your mouth in day game). I wrote about some of the pitfalls of daygame in this article.
Cold Approaches are a tool
At the end of the day, cold approaches are one of many tools available at your disposal for meeting women. It’s a very effective tool for many men and should definitely be in your repertoire, but don’t assume it’s the only way to meet women.