November 13, 2013 / Conversation Tip: Stop Worrying About Transitions
It's nice to transition into a new conversation topic, but keeping the conversation interesting is much more important.
Knowing how to engage in conversation is an incredibly important component of being successful with women. Unfortunately, it is one of the harder elements to master. One of the most common mistakes men make in conversation is worrying too much about transitions.
What is a transition
In conversation, a transition is what it sounds like, a way to transition from one topic of conversation to another. For example, if you initiated conversation with a woman using "Hi, what’s your name?" you aren’t going to talk about names the whole night, at least I don’t think you would! What you are going to do is transition to a different topic. A logical follow up might be, "Nice to meet you, where are you from?"
Another example might be starting a conversation by commenting on a song playing in the background. You might have said: "Hey, can you believe this song is still popular?" to which she replies: "I know right, I thought this band was finished after so and so album." Since you didn’t talk to this girl to have a conversation about music, you might transition with: "Oh man, I remember that album, it reminded me of [college/job/event]" and there you have a transition.
Pretty simple right? However, coming up with a good transition on the fly isn’t always as easy as it seems. Plus, when you factor in approach anxiety (read about it here) and fear of rejection (read about it here) it becomes even more difficult for many. The good news is, you don’t have to worry about it!
Transitions don’t matter much
Granted, it’s always nice to be able to have smooth transitions in conversation. They make conversation flow a bit better and help paint you as someone who is ‘good at conversation’. With that said, what is far more important is escalating matters and keeping things interesting!
At the end of the day, you need to get a conversation from small talk to talk that builds up your attractiveness and amps up her interest in you. Eventually, you need to close; either getting her number, moving in for a kiss, or seeing if she wants to go to another venue (or your place!) with you.
Worrying too much about transitions can keep you stuck on a topic that isn’t building any attraction between the two of you. This is far worse than just abruptly transitioning topic, yet men do this all the time!
So, from now on, instead of trying to smoothly transition from one topic or the other, focus on whether or not the current topic is accomplish anything. If it isn’t accomplishing anything, move away from it ASAP to a topic that will. Feel awkward doing that? Use the "canonical" transition: "Anyways…" or "So, anyway…"! Bottom line, worry about the main topics of conversation, not how you connect the topics.