Josh Sway
JoshSway.com is every man's source for dating, relationships, self-improvement, and more.

Articles advice from Josh

/ Don't Ask Girls To Buy You Drinks

It's common advice to get the girl to buy you a drink. It's also completely asinine advice.


One piece of moronic advice which proliferates the dating and seduction universe is the idea that instead of buying a girl a drink, you should ask her to buy you one. While a girl getting the next round is something that happens from time to time (usually with girls who are friends, part of a mutual group, or someone you have been dating for a bit), strategically trying to get a girl you are just meeting for the first time to buy you a drink is idiotic. Stop doing it.

Different doesn't get girls

Sure, a guy hitting on a girl and then trying to get her to buy you a drink is "different," but so is going up to a girl and offering to bathe her in buffalo wing sauce. So what? Different doesn't get girls, demonstrating value gets girls. I will write about this in more detail at a later date, but the whole concept that "asking her to buy you a drink will set you apart" is going to improve your chances is missing this crucial point: different doesn't get girls, value does. Often, you can be different in a way that demonstrates value, but trying to get a girl you just met to buy you a drink is not one of those ways!

What are you really communicating?

Have you ever wondered what actual value you are demonstrating when trying to "con" a girl into buying you a drink? Think you are demonstrating that you are so special and high value girls should be buying you a drink because "you are the prize?" No. You just met; you are not yet the prize unless you got indications that she thinks you are at that stage (in which case you should move to the next phases of seduction, not worry about getting a drink out of her). What you are is most likely in the attraction building phase, and the convoluted third-order indirect logic that leads from "why is this guy trying to get me to buy his drink?" to "wow, this guy is so high value I need to buy a drink just to be around him" is exactly that: convoluted third-order nonsense. The most likely conclusion that most women will draw when you guys head to the bar together and you try to get her to pay is that you are either:
  • a cheap bastard
  • a poor bastard
  • both a cheap and a poor bastard
These are, by far, the the most overwhelmingly likely conclusions that women will draw, not that you are "special" and "so high value girls need to buy you drinks."

It's about the money

Cheapness and poorness brings me to this last point: you aren't fooling anyone (including her) that your motivation is not financial. Earlier I wrote about cost versus effectiveness and the rationalization that goes on behind these purely cost saving ideas. Pick up is about maximizing your chances of getting girls, not trying to save money or get free drinks. You aren't fooling anyone with rationalizations of why a move done purely for financial reasons actually isn't for financial reasons. If you want to save money, the way to do it isn't by trying to get free drinks out of girls.  Instead, I'd recommend you start by reading some of the financial advice articles instead.

This doesn't mean you should constantly be buying drinks for girls either

Not trying to finagle drinks out of girls does not mean doing a complete 180 and going around offering to buy girls drinks all the time. Buying a drink is a useful tool for particular purposes (such as isolation), but just like getting her to buy you a drink demonstrates no value, being able to spend $13 on a girl doesn't really say that much either.



If you've enjoyed the articles on JoshSway.com, there's even more advice in our e-books!

Buy Now!