June 16, 2014 / Don’t Settle For Baseline Attraction
The reason many men do not succeed with women is because they don't attract enough.
One question I get asked a lot is "how do I get girls to come back to my place?". Now, I wrote about that here; yet maybe you follow this advice but still fail. What gives? The reason is that the problem isn’t how you are asking, it’s that you aren’t building enough attraction for her to sleep with you yet.
Different levels of attraction
Getting a woman to give up everything on the first date or after just meeting you at a club or bar requires there to be an "extreme" level of attraction. Yet so many men simply settle for the ‘baseline’ level of attraction that may get you a date or a phone number, but isn’t going to get you laid. Then they wonder why none of the techniques they’ve read about in books, forums, and websites such as this one work for them.
In other words, attraction is not black and white. There are many levels of attraction. For instance, only minimal attraction is required for a girl to give you her number or even to make out at a night club. A bit more attraction is required for a girl to spend an entire evening on a date with you, and even more attraction is required for her to come over to your place for a date. The highest levels of attraction are required for her to sleep with you or to want to date you regularly.
This means that in order to achieve your goals with a particular woman, you need to line up the attraction level with your goal. Want to sleep with her tonight? Keep attracting her. Value overloading is one technique you can use to do this. Read about it here and here.
However, this brings up an interesting point: why bother to ever really stop attracting, even if immediate sex is not your goal? It’s a good question, and the answer is, generally speaking, you should never stop attracting. Don’t settle for the minimum level of attraction you need, because there’s really no upside in doing so.
No upside to settling
While I understand there are emotional benefits for settling for a ‘baseline’ level of attraction, such as less odds of rejection, the truth is fear of rejection is not a good enough reason to stall out and rest on your laurels. A better approach is to risk ‘rejection’ at a certain stage in the game for the odds of greater attraction and greater success.
One major reason it is worth taking the risk of rejection is that women usually don’t ‘go back in attraction’ if you push things a little too far. What I mean is, if she is into you enough to go on a date but not to sleep with you and you ask her to come back to your place and she says no, her attraction isn’t suddenly going to drop to where she doesn’t even want to go on a date with you, at least not usually. This means you have very little downside in "pushing it" and almost no upside to just hold steady and rest on your laurels.
Always be attracting
At this point, the lesson should be clear: "always be attracting". Don’t settle for the minimal attraction necessary and then wonder why you couldn’t close. I would say "always be closing" is the motto to live by, but if you aren’t always attracting, you aren’t going to always be closing.