May 07, 2014 / Effort Does Not Mean Work
Sometimes, putting in effort means not doing a thing.
I’ve written about how "not giving a f-ck" is generally speaking a very poor dating and seduction strategy. I’ve written that you need to put in effort if you want to succeed. However, any important point that is sometimes lost on people who understand that putting in effort is necessary, is that sometimes, putting in effort means not doing a thing.
Effort doesn’t mean work
Putting in effort simply means consciously and deliberately doing what is necessary to achieve your goal. Unfortunately, many men think that effort means always being actively doing something involving your target or your goal. Maybe you are one of those guys. You may think that putting in effort getting a girl means calling her every day, coming up with elaborate date ideas, buying her gifts, and turning your schedule upside down to accommodate seeing her.
This is not necessarily effort. This is what I would call a lot of work, but it is not necessarily a lot of effort. Remember, effort means deliberately doing what is necessary to achieve your goal. Doing all the things I described are a lot of work, but they are not necessary and most likely, will actually backfire on you due to major projections of neediness.
Sometimes doing nothing takes the effort
Interestingly, while the example above seems like a lot of work, many men actually want to do all those things. Many men want to call their romantic interest every day, they want to ask her out to elaborate dates, they want to plan running into her every twelve minutes, and they want to buy her gifts. Basically, they want to do anything and everything that keeps them in front of the girl in question. But this is bad dating strategy as I have discussed numerous times, and has nothing to do with effort, because effort is about achieving goals, not doing work!
The real effort here, for many men, is actually to do less. Many men need to make a conscious effort to not call her today, to not send a third text in a row, to not buy her a gift, to not plan an absurdly exotic date, and to not profess any romantic feelings. That’s right: Doing nothing often takes more effort than doing something!
This analogy is not only pertinent to dating, but also to life. For instance, if you spend three hours a day lifting heavy weights at the gym, you are putting in a lot of work, but you are also destroying your body and central nervous system by over training; it’s unlikely your work will be met with reward, most likely your muscle gains will stagnate and you will injure yourself. Effort actually demands you take a break from the gym from time to time and not just work out but eat right and get sleep. Yep, doing the epitome of nothing, sleeping, still qualifies as effort if it’s what is necessary to succeed.
Do what is necessary, not what is the most work
I am a huge proponent of putting in effort. Whether it be in school (no comment to those who remember me from school), in the gym, at work, or with women. But I hope I made it abundantly clear that effort does not mean blindly putting in time and work, effort means doing what is necessary to achieve results. In dating, many times, the hard part, the necessary effort, is to do nothing at all.