June 26, 2014 / Evaluate The Message, Not The Messenger
Don't ignore good advice because you don't like the person giving it.
If you guys haven’t figured it out already (and those of you who know my posting on various forums have realized this long ago), but when I try to get a point across, I don’t mince words. I don’t sugar coat anything I say. If I think you something is right and another thing is wrong I will convey that aggressively.
I like to give men dating and self improvement advice because I like to "pay it forward" and share my thoughts and experiences to help them. But sometimes people won’t listen to me because they think my "tone is offensive." While I’m not thrilled when this happens, the person who is actually suffering the most is the person who won’t listen.
This isn’t because they aren’t listening to me personally. It’s because if they’re the kind of person who evaluates any advice based on the messenger, then they’re probably tuning out on tons of great messages from messengers they consider "rude" or "obnoxious." If you want to truly become a better person in all aspects of life, you shouldn’t be shutting off potentially good messages from bad messengers!
The message is what matters
The reason for the aforementioned advice should be obvious: if you get the information you want, who cares if the guy giving it to you was an asshole? Self improvement is about time and effort, but you can greatly optimize your self improvement journey with information. The self improvement process demands that you gather helpful information and use that helpful information. It doesn’t demand that you only gather information from "nice people" or someone who is polite, or someone who doesn’t yell at you. At the end of the day, it’s the message that matters.
Are you the kind of person who ignores good advice from "bad" people? If so, here are the two most common reasons, and why they are flawed.
1. Your ego gets in the way
Often times, the reason you aren’t taking good advice from someone simply because you don’t like the way they presented it or don’t like something about them is because you are letting your ego get the better of you. You feel that it somehow hurts your standing or your self respect if you heed advice from someone who is being condescending or rude. Or you get that feeling where because the guy is a dick you want to not listen to them on purpose, to somehow prove they are wrong. It’s all ego talking here, and it all needs to take a back seat to actually improving your life.
2. It’s an excuse not to change
Perhaps even worse than letting your ego interfere with your self improvement is using the attributes of the messenger as an excuse not to improve. This is a particularly common and devastating thing I see happening all the time. A perfect example is working out. I constantly advocate working out, and you KNOW that it is one of the best things you can do for your health and your success with women, BUT because it takes work, you try to find excuses not to do it, and a real convenient one is: "whatever, that Josh Sway guy is a dick, I’m not going to listen to him". Don’t make that mistake, because while Josh Sway may be a dick, he isn’t wrong about the benefits of working out.
Learn from everyone
Look. I know that sometimes it’s hard to take advice from someone you don’t like, or someone condescending, or someone rude, but there’s no reason to cut off potentially great information for no logical reason. And it’s even worse to use ‘bad attitude’ as an excuse not to take advice you know is good.