October 25, 2013 / Expand Your Dating Surface Area
Meet more women by expanding your dating pool.
I’m sure you’re familiar with the term "dating pool," so I’d like to introduce a new concept to you: expanding the surface area of this pool. After all, the composition of your potential dating pool is just a subset of anyone you could interact with. This may seem like a stupidly obvious observation, but there’s a hidden insight you may not be aware of: the more people you can meet, the bigger your dating pool. Which means simply increasing the number of people you interact act with, by definition, increases your dating pool, giving you that many more options when it comes to pursuing women,
I call this concept "Expanding Your Dating Surface Area." Imagine a physical pool 10 feet wide and 10 feet long. This pool’s surface area is 100 square feet. Now imagine you increased the size of that pool 1 foot wider and 1 foot longer. The pool’s surface area is now 121 square feet. You increased the dimensions 10% in each direction, yet you got a 21% increase in surface area!
Don’t fall asleep on your geometry textbooks just yet, because this leads to my point: small adjustments in your life — like those 1 foot extensions — can dramatically increase the number people you meet, and by definition increase the number of women you can date. It’s really that simple. Too many guys make the mistake of only approaching women on weekend nights at a bar or a club, where the only variation is which bar or club they go to. So they keep swimming the same pool without considering the dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of attractive women they could otherwise be meeting if they simply adjusted their lives to expand their dating surface area.
The short version of how to follow this advice is, "get involved with activities that women also enjoy doing." If you have a hobby (see our hobby cheat sheet here), and women participate in said hobby, then you’re already well on your way to expanding your dating surface area. But for those
1. Join or start a co-ed sports team.
Even if you think you’re not good at sports, lots of colleges and cities have leagues for casual sports like kickball or dodgeball. Joining a running or hiking group works well too.
2. Take classes at your gym.
Almost every gym I’ve ever been a member is sectioned off like a junior high dance. All the men are on one side lifting weights, all the women are in a separate room doing something like zumba or yoga, and occasionally they mix in the middle at the cardio machines. So all you have to do is… walk into the room with all the women! Even if you think something like "zumba is for chicks," there are lots of classes like spinning or circuit training that usually have at least a few token dudes in there.
3. Take a class that has something to do with food, such as cooking or wine-tasting.
You may feel silly and pretentious swirling red wine in a glass and making comments like, "it has an aroma that’s almost like… cherries." But these classes are popular with women, and you’ll probably meet plenty.
4. Join some sort of creative performance group.
If you have no acting, writing, or musical ability at all, then I’d suggest improv comedy. It’s usually easy to find some sort of "introduction to improv comedy" class nearby, and they can be a lot of fun. Even better, improv comedy will refine social skills (e.g. reading social cues), that will help tremendously in all your other interactions in life, including approaching women.
5. Online dating.
I’ve already devoted lots of time to this subject (for example: 9 reasons why you should do online dating, you can read it here), but this is one of the most direct ways to expand your dating surface area. Online dating forces you to leap out of your existing social circle and you’ll find yourself going out with new people, in new neighborhoods, and doing new activities. Even when you meet a girl through online dating and find there’s no romantic connection, it’s unlikely that you’ll have a completely unredeeming evening. Online dating is perfect for doing things like going to that restaurant you’ve been wanting to check out, or seeing the kind of movie you’d like but your friends would think are boring. Don’t just view online dating as seeking new dating partners, but seeking new dating experiences. Yes, meeting a compatible partner is a big part of that experience, but it’s not the entirety of it.
Remember: the goal isn’t to show up and immediately start hitting on all the girls there. You should never consider doing this "sarging." (A word I hate which means going out to meet women) You simply want to participate in the activity, get to know everyone there, make some new friends, and that will eventually just increases your odds of meeting a cool girl you can ask out. And don’t despair if you’re involved in an activity, but not that many women are involved or all of them are in relationships. They have single friends and eventually you’ll meet them, especially since married people love the idea of setting up people they know.
Lastly, I strongly suggest that whatever activity you do, it’s something that improves your life in a material away, whether it’s making you more fit, more knowledgeable, more cultured, etc. This will not only make it more likely you’ll meet someone, but also make you a better dating partner when you actually go out, because your life will be that much more well-rounded.