Josh Sway is every man's source for dating, relationships, self-improvement, and more.

Articles advice from Josh

/ Focus On Women, Not Self Esteem Issues

You don't need self esteem to get women, and getting women can increase your self esteem!

Ever heard the phrase: "How can you love others if you can't love yourself?"

This phrase seems to make some logical sense but it, and it's derivatives, have spawned what I would almost describe as a "culture" of self reflection and other introverted self improvement activities. I believe too much emphasis on how you feel, on your self esteem, and on your "mood" are actually detrimental to your success with women. Furthermore, I believe the mere act of getting women and having women in your life will improve the way you view yourself, your self esteem, and the way you feel.
<h4>You don't have to have high self esteem to be successful with women</h4>
Men try to convince themselves that their problems are internal. "I have an 'inner game' problem", or "I'm just never in the mood to meet women." or "I believe I am ugly and unattractive". All of these statements may be true but they are not necessarily useful, nor are they problems you need to fix to get women.

Seriously, look at the bouts of self esteem issues such as alcoholism and depression many of the most desirable men on earth go through (celebrities). Does their lack of self esteem and significant internal issues lead to them having less women in their lives? Hard to say for sure, but they definitely do not have a shortage of women in their lives! The bottom line is you can get women even if you do not have high self esteem. You can get women even if you "think you are unattractive". You can get women even if you "don't love yourself". Those are all issues you should work to resolve, but they are not what is stopping you from getting women.
<h4>Getting women can help you deal with self worth issues</h4>
My personal belief that too many men use "lack of self worth" and "low self esteem" as crutches to be lazy about making positive change in their lives does not change the reality (or my view) that low self esteem is an actual issue that impedes quality of life. Interestingly, I have found that focusing on actions, in particular, on just going out and getting women can actually help heal self worth issues!

Think about it: most self esteem issues evolve from feelings of inadequacy, feelings of failure, and feelings of weakness. Achieving success with a woman can act as very powerful reinforcement that you do have value, you aren't totally inadequate, that you do not always fail, and that you are not always weak.
<h4>If you want to get women, focus on getting women, not your self esteem issues</h4>
The bottom line is this: just like if you want to get good at basketball, you go out and play more basketball, if you want to get more women, go out and focus on getting more women. Self esteem plays a role, but not only will focus on women still be more effective than worrying about your self worth, success with women may actually help repair self esteem issues.

If you've enjoyed the articles on, there's even more advice in our e-books!

Buy Now!