March 14, 2014 / Game Outside Your Dating Pool
If you are suffering from lack of confidence.
The other day, I saw a post on a dating forum from a guy who went from being hugely successful with women to being almost incapable of getting women anymore due to major emotional damage sustained in a 2 year relationship. From the facts presented, it is immediately obvious to anyone that the girl had severe emotional issues but nevertheless, her impact was lasting on this poster.
The damage was quite significant as well: women sensed his complete lack of confidence and emotional distress and did not respond to his advances which usually worked. In the one situation he described where he was successful in seduction, he could not perform sexually.
Our John Doe’s scenario above is just one example of how emotional damage can negatively impact success with women. However, he is hardly alone: many men have difficulty recovering from confidence shattering relationships or dating experiences. I proposed a solution to "John Doe", and I wanted to share it with you, because it is a very valuable tool to not only recover from emotionally damaging situations but also to relieve the general pressure you may feel about approaching, courting, and/or dating women.
Gaming outside your dating pool
The solution I propose is "gaming outside your dating pool". What this means is instead of pursuing the women who most closely fit your long term relationship ideal, pursue women who do not immediately appear to fit that mold.
For instance, if you are 30 years old and have been salivating over a hot 23 year old Asian girl and you can’t imagine your life without her or someone like her, go out and hit on white women in their early 30s.
Why it works
This may seem like odd advice to overcome approach anxiety, confidence, emotional, or self esteem issues. However, it works. The reason it works is because you are relieving yourself of the pressure to succeed by going after a woman that you don’t think you have a long term future with in the first place. The cost of failure is much less when you game outside your dating pool than if you only approach women who fit your fairy tale ideal. You can "not give a fuck" because you actually won’t give a fuck!
Interestingly, another important lesson you will learn from this is that your so-called "type" is simply a fantasy; an illusion most likely based on one girl you really really liked one time. Once you start dating outside your dating pool, you will shatter the idea of having a type and what was outside your dating pool will start to become part of your dating pool. And the bigger your dating pool, the more women you have to choose from, which means less downside should you fail with any particular woman!
Relieve the pressure
There you have it. If you are suffering from emotional distress that is virtually branded on your forehead for all women to see and feel, relieve the pressure. Don’t add pressure by trying to approach the woman of your dreams when you are not in the right state of mind. Build your confidence by gaming outside your dating pool where the pressure to succeed and cost of failure are much lower.