November 02, 2013 / Get Your Ex Back, Part 1: Types of Breakups
Each break up requires a different approach to getting your ex back. Here are the main types.
One of the most sought after pieces of advice in the world of dating and relationships is how to get your ex back. In this multi-part series, I am going to cover everything I know about getting your ex-back.
You can get your ex back
Getting your ex back isn’t an easy process but it is most definitely doable. When you think about it, a lot of the game is actually in your favor. You have slept with your partner before, you know a lot about them, and you know that they liked you enough to date you exclusively. Perhaps they even loved you; maybe they even loved you enough to marry you! In this series I will show you how to use all of the factors working for you to maximize your chances of successfully getting her back.
The common get your ex back scenarios
Every break-up has its own unique set of circumstances. Covering every get your ex back scenario is simply impossible, but a great deal of them can be mapped to some common scenarios I will describe. I am breaking down the mapping process into two components: The first is who broke up with who and how long the relationship went on, the second component is the break-up cause. To map your specific situation, choose a best fit from the first component and then another from the second.
1. She broke up with you after a short period of time (non serious)
If you just had a budding relationship and she ended it, you fall into this category. Think anywhere from a couple months to a year. Note that short time could also be substituted for a ‘non-serious’ relationship.
2. She broke up with you after a long period of time (serious)
Pretty self explanatory. If you had a long term relationship, a year+ of exclusivity at least, and/or you lived together, were talking marriage/a future, you fall into this category. Yes, I recognize time line and seriousness are not the same, but as I mentioned earlier, there are too many combinations to work through a system for all of them.
The next two are obviously:
3. You broke up with her after a short period of time.
4. You broke up with her after a long period of time.
Note I do not include mutual breakups in here simply because, in the majority of cases, ‘mutual’ breakups are not actually mutual. I will have more on that in later articles.
Once you’ve established time and who was responsible for the break-up, the next set of circumstances is the "why".
1. You/Your partner "fell out of love"
If you or your partner simply "fell out of love", i.e. lost the romantic chemistry or interest in the other, you fall into this category. Most likely, if you are reading this, it was your partner who "fell out of love".
If there was some sort of cheating that went on which led to the break-up, that would be this category.
If there was abuse, you should be contacting the authorities. One should never tolerate abuse in a relationship, PERIOD. Even if your partner is "going to rehab for it", "promises they will not do it again" etc. etc. If there is abuse, it’s a matter for the authorities and the law. Do not use any of the advice in this article to try to win someone back if you were abusive in the relationship. This is the last I will say about abuse; assume that all advice going forward is geared towards relationships where no abuse has gone on.
The most common logistical reason is long distance, but perhaps kids, job situations, college, etc. can also come into play.
5. Intimacy Issues
Sometimes, you get along great everywhere except the bedroom. It’s pretty common for things to slow down, but sometimes they slow down to the point where a romantic relationship is no longer tenable.
Sometimes external pressures from friends and family can lead to a break-up. Friends and family play an important role in our lives and relationships and they can often be a very objective voice when it comes to relationship. At other times though, family and friends can be toxic if they have an unwarranted bias against the relationship.
In part 2, I am going to talk about general advice on getting your ex back that holds across most scenarios. Then later parts will delve into detail of how to get your ex back in specific cases.