Jan 01, 2014 / Get Your Ex Back: Part 3, She Ends It Early
If your girlfriend ended the relationship early, here are some strategies.
Recall from <a href="/articles/view/get-your-ex-back-part-1-types-of-breakups/">Part 1</a>, I mentioned several break-up types. In this part I am going to discuss some specific techniques for getting back together with women where the relationship ended after a short period of time. Much of the advice in <a href="/articles/view/get-your-ex-back-part-2-general-advice/">Part 2</a> of this article applies, so you should read that first; however, there are more targeted techniques you can use to deal with short term break-ups.
<h4>She Broke It Off</h4>
If she broke it off with you, the first step is to try to assess why. In <a href="/articles/view/get-your-ex-back-part-1-types-of-breakups/">part 1</a>, I covered the 5 most common reasons why people break up:
<strong>1. She fell out of love</strong>
<strong> 2. Infidelity</strong>
<strong> 3. Logistics</strong>
<strong> 4. Intimacy Issues</strong>
<strong> 5. Friends and Family</strong>
Try to think which one (or combination of) these reasons was responsible for her breaking up with you. Note that in general number 5 is not likely to be an issue for short term relationships, but if it is at this early stage in the game, it can be a very difficult hurdle to overcome. Do you have your reason in your head? Good. Keep reading.
<h4>If she fell out of love</h4>
If she just lost interest in you after a short period of time, you have to first ask yourself how real was the relationship to begin with. Did you ever have "the talk"? Was there intimacy (sex, on a regular basis)? Were you spending a few nights a week together? If you answered no to any of these questions, the issue is more likely that there wasn't much of a true boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to begin with.
If you answered yes to those questions, then your best bet is to accept her decision, take some time, and approach things in a similar manner to how I proposed in my "<a href="/articles/view/what-to-do-and-not-to-do-when-shes-gone-cold/">What to do if she's gone cold</a>" article. One exception is if the sex was really good (for her silly, not just for you!). In this case, you can try to morph the relationship into a friend with benefits type situation by easing up on romantic dates and general contact but making contact with her every week or so at opportune times. If you manage to at least maintain a sexual relationship going, you remain in the game and can slowly work your way back into a full on relationship. I'll have more on that in later parts of this series.
You took a risk and you got busted. How you handle this situation depends on other issues. You would be surprised, but early on (and not just early on) in a relationship, women can be quite forgiving when it comes to infidelity as long as they have little to no fear that you would ever leave them for the other person. This should be your main goal, to convince her that you were just being drunk and stupid and she meant nothing to you. Don't bother playing the "I didn't know we were exclusive" card unless it really is that early on, and even if you do play it,<strong> use it as additional ammo, not as the basis of your argument.</strong>
Is it a long distance relationship? Is there too large an age gap? These are just two common examples of logistical issues with a relationship. The first thing you should do here is ask yourself if it is really worth it to fight for a relationship that has logistical issues that are leading to a break up so early on. In general, I find that the answer is no and that you should just let the relationship go. If you insist; however, you need to have a plan to overcome the logistics. For example, if it is long distance, you need a concrete "end game": a plan where you both end together after a pretty set amount of time. Continuing on with a long distance relationship with no end or a nebulous end to hours of commuting to see each other will not work.
The solution for other issues is similar, you need a plan that puts you both on the same page. The woman liked you, perhaps even loved you, but she decided that the logistical issues were too great to overcome. She most likely knew about them to begin with, so what could have changed her mind? The answer is almost always the lack of a plan to address the logistical issue. Come up with one.
Intimacy issues can be a killer of relationships. If there is no sexual chemistry early on, it is a recipe for disaster. Many couples try to ignore it but that will only make matters worse. You need to have a frank conversation about the issues and take concrete steps to address them if you want to win her back. Since she already ended things because of these issues, you took too long and have your work cut out for you. I almost never advocate this approach, but your best bet here is a hail mary: use guilt. Make her feel guilty about putting the physical before the emotional which will hopefully make her give you a chance to address the issues head on and work to improve them.
<h4>Friends and Family</h4>
If friends and family made her break up with you so early in the process, there is very little you can do. You most likely confronted her about choosing her friends and family over you but she made her choice anyway. Honestly, you probably do not want to be with someone who is such a slave to what her friends and family think, especially so early in a relationship. The one difference is if her family or friends have such a strong negative opinion about you before even meeting you. In that case, get her to bring you out with her and her friends one time so they can at least make an informed judgement. Same goes for family.
In part 4, I'll discuss how to handle situations where you made the mistake of ending things too early.
<a title="Get Your Ex Back, Part 1: Types of Breakups" href="/articles/view/get-your-ex-back-part-1-types-of-breakups/">Read Part 1</a>
<a title="Get Your Ex Back: Part 2, General Advice" href="/articles/view/get-your-ex-back-part-2-general-advice/">Read Part 2</a>