Josh Sway
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/ Getting Her Number

Getting her number should not be your goal, but you have got to do it anyway.


Those of you who follow the site regularly will know that I generally do not consider getting a number to be particularly meaningful. With that said, often times it is a necessary step in continuing courtship or seduction: You can’t always bring a girl back to your place the night you meet her. So how do I go about getting a number? Here’s how I go about it.

The Theory

I do not approach getting a number with the traditional PUA mindset that considers a "number close" a form of successful seduction and even a goal. This is very important as you develop your skills: getting her number should not be your goal. The reality is that many women will just give you their number to get rid of you and the flake percentage of just getting a girls number is very high. It should never be the end goal, the end goal should be to seduce, date, sleep with or even marry the woman you met.

For this reason, I generally prefer to get numbers "incidentally" as I attract and escalate. I never make it my goal, and seduction does not stop there. The other option is if you see that further escalation seems unlikely, to end the conversation with an attempt to get her number. Once again: Getting a number is never the end game.

Ways to Do it

Now that you hopefully appreciate the importance of not treating a number as an end goal, I can go into some actual approaches to get her number.

1. By the way…

Don’t feel like you can only ask for her number when the interaction is over. Feel free to interject a "by the way, let me get your number…" if the conversation is going well. If being so forward bothers you, there are other more indirect approaches that are essentially the same. For example, show her a funny picture on your phone and then follow it up with "by the way…"

2. Information exchange

Are you talking about something funny you saw online, or a cool location she should check out? If there is any need to exchange information, you can easily use it an excuse to text it to her. For instance: "Yea you should check out this place, what’s your number, I’ll text you the name of it." It’s clearly an excuse to get her number, and she will know it, but if you’ve done your job and she is interested in you she won’t care. What is also nice about this approach is that you can use it to gauge her interest level. She can easily come up with an excuse here not to give her number, for example: "Why don’t you just type it in my phone." or "Just tell me and I’ll type it in my phone." If you get this type of answer, you must build more attraction or comfort even if you think you are doing well.

3. Hang out again

The standard way many ask for a number is at the end of an interaction asking for the number to hang out again. This approach is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes, the conversation will end before you have incidentally asked for her number. In that case, ask for her number so you guys can "get together sometime." If you were talking about something specific she expressed interest in (for example, your guitar playing prowess or an art gallery), ask with a plan already in mind, like so: "Was great meeting you. I’ll let you know next time I go to the art show." and whatever she responds with then ask for her number.





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