November 17, 2013 / Getting Out Of The Friendzone, 5 Concepts
Here are 5 concepts that will help you break out of the friend-zone.
I wrote a brief piece to my mailing list members about busting out of the friendzone a couple weeks ago. I wanted to elaborate on this piece and share it with all of you now. The friendzone (friend-zone , friend zone, whatever) is one of the most dreaded places to end up with a romantic interest. Not only is it bad getting rejected, but having to see the person around all the time (and even worse, hear them talking about other men they are interested in!) can be emotionally devastating. This leads to the first concept about the friendzone, don’t get caught in it in the first place.
Concept 1: Don’t get in the friendzone in the first place
One of my many hobbies is brazilian jiu jitsu. For those who are not familiar with brazilian jiu jitsu (bjj), it is a martial art that focus on "submitting" your opponent. This submission usually involves some sort of a choke hold or a joint lock. There are many submission holds that once you are caught in them, it is virtually impossible to escape no matter how skilled you are. The bjj solution is to not get caught in the submission in the first place.
The friendzone can be fended off in a similar manner: don’t get caught in it in the first place. Instead of trying so hard to break out of the friendzone, make sure you are always giving a clear sexual vibe (doesn’t have to be verbal, read about my preferred mode of communication) and always be escalating. You want to establish when meeting a potential romantic interest that your interest is ROMANTIC. This means NOT falling into the trap of doing platonic activities, giving dating advice to her, or anything that does not get you closer to the goal of making her yours romantically. This also holds if you suddenly find yourself falling for a friend.
Concept 2: Identify if the friendzone is really a rejection
Often times, girls use the famous: "Let’s just be friends" (LJBF) line to reject a guy. Too many guys take this line literally. Women do not like to reject men outright because they have a strong feeling of empathy towards people in general. For this reason, women generally make excuses, with LJBF being a very common one. A friendzone resulting from getting a LJBF line after a couple of dates is often not an invitation to be friends but a rejection.
When you proceed to then be friends with this girl, you are putting yourself in one of the most difficult friendzones to escape, a friendzone that was actually a rejection and now resulted in you imposing friendship on a woman.
The upshot of concept 2? Don’t jump into the friendzone with a woman who gives you a "LJBF". Instead, cease all contact and revisit her at a later date.
Concept 3: Freeze-out
The first step to breaking the friendzone is to make her stop viewing you in a purely platonic, passive, and "harmless" light. The only way to do this is to reshape the interactions you have. Step one of that process is to cease or dramatically reduce the amount of interaction you have with her. This is called a "freeze out". If you think that you are just going to make a girl that views you as a friend fall in love with you, you have been watching too many hollywood movies. Does it happen from time to time? Sure it does, but the odds are VERY LOW.
What you need to do is slow down or outright end the friendship relationship so you can rebuild a relationship based on romantic and sexual attraction. Once you have rebooted the system with a proper freeze-out, then you can easy your way back into more regular contact.
Concept 4: Go out with other women
Busting out of the friendzone is a very dififcult task with a low chance of success EVEN with all the right tools. Going out with other women will help you cope if you fail to turn your friend into your lover but not only that, it will also help you succeed with her! Women are not attracted to needy men or men who have trouble getting women. Going out and getting other women (and her knowing about it) will aid you actually get her in a few ways:
1. It will show that you do not need her (display of non-neediness)
2. It will demonstrate that you are attractive in a sexual and romantic way
3. It will show you are unfazed by her rejection
Going out with other women is a no-brainer that you must do. This includes rejecting a session of pillow talk with the obsession that put you in the friendzone for a date with a woman who has an actual romantic interest in you.
Concept 5: Don’t make the same mistake twice
If you successfully froze her out and she misses you in her life, she may even reach out to you before you slowly re-initiate contact. If this happens, you MUST escalate and make it very clear that you are interested in dating her and only dating her. Do not make the same mistake twice. Make sure you do not fall into the friend-zone again.
There is a lot more to breaking out of the friendzone which I will write about in future articles, but for now, take note of these 5 concepts.