December 08, 2013 / Girls Lie Sometimes: Don’t Call Them Out
There is rarely any benefit to call out girls who tell white lies.
Being lied to is annoying. It feels disrespectful and also makes it difficult to discern information you may want. With that said, everybody is lied to throughout life on a pretty regular basis. Everyone tells lies, and everyone is on the receiving end of lies. Women are no exception. They lie just as men do, all kind of lies ranging from harmless white lies, lies to avoid awkward moments, or very serious lies.
When a girl lies to you, you will probably feel the urge to call them out on it. Whether it is for your ego or because you want a truthful answer (or both), you will think that you should call her out for lying or be more inquisitive. For all but the most serious lies, this is a bad strategy.
Calling her out makes her uncomfortable
The reason most women lie (in a dating or relationship context) is to avoid awkwardness or uncomfortable situations. For example, if you ask her why she doesn’t want to hang out again, she will likely give you a lie instead of telling you it’s because she doesn’t like you. If you ask her why she doesn’t like you, she will probably lie and say she just didn’t feel the "chemistry" instead of saying something like "you are too ugly for me to date". The former is pretty benign, the latter is an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
The truth can hurt you
Take the example I gave in the last section: a girl telling you she didn’t feel "chemistry" versus telling you that you are too ugly to date. What is the purpose of inquiring further into chemistry to basically get an answer that will lower your self esteem and potentially hurt your success with other women? Often it is better to not know the full truth as long as you get the functional purpose of the message. In other words, if you get that you were rejected, there’s usually no point inquiring why even if you suspect her reason is a lie.
You will appear needy and desperate
Sometimes, women tell white lies or hide information when they are interested in you. Provided the information is not crucial, there is little to no benefit calling them out on it. There are, however, many potential costs including appearing needy. An example might be if a girl tells you she has some plans the night after your date and you ask what they are and she makes up some story to hide that it is another date. Even if you can tell for sure she is lying, just nod your head and let it go.
To end this article I am going to cover several common situations where you should just let it go.
1. She makes up excuses why she has to cancel a date
She isn’t interested in going out tonight. Calling her out on it is not going to increase your chances, it will only make her feel uncomfortable and annoyed.
2. You ask where she was and she makes up some story, you suspect she was with a guy
If you are in a relationship it’s a different story, but if you are on a first or second date, don’t put her on the spot for dating other men at the same time. It will make you appear insecure. The better strategy is to "lock it down" as quickly as you can. See my article on Taking it slow. Lastly, her trying to hide she was with another guy or is also looking into other men could actually be a good sign for you.
3. She makes up a story why she can’t give you her number (phone is dead/broken/blah blah)
As in (1), she isn’t interested. Calling her out will not help your cause here.
4. She gives you a "reason" why she isn’t interested
You will likely get defensive and start to argue with her why this reason doesn’t apply to you. Don’t bother. It will not help your cause.
5. She makes up a reason why she has to go soon
If a date is dragging on, she might make up a story why she has to leave. Don’t call her out on it, instead, make note of the date and think about how you can improve areas of your game to not make her want to end the date.