January 14, 2014 / Goals vs Mindset
Josh Sway prefers a goal oriented approach.
One area in dating where "the experts" are split involves your frame of mind before going out. Many suggest focusing on feeling good and having a "confident" mindset without focusing on goals. Others suggest going out with a goal and purpose in mind. Ideally, you would want to do both, but which one is most important? I personally prefer a goal oriented approach.
Mindset can be a crutch
Don’t get me wrong: having a positive mindset is important and useful but, unfortunately, it is too easy for people to use mindset as a crutch. The truth is, psyching yourself out in front of the mirror is an easy thing to do. What isn’t easy is translating cheering yourself in the mirror to actual behavioral improvements when going out (not to mention turning it into actual results).
The end result is that you start settling for small "moral" victories which don’t actually translate into achievement of the ultimate goal (getting women) or perhaps worse, use "I’m not in the right state of mind" as an excuse to not go out there and at least try! Remember, the goal is to get women, not to "have a certain mindset when going out".
The last point is worth re-emphasizing: the goal is what matters, not the mindset. It is too easy to forget, when focusing on mindset, that it is simply a tool to aid in achieving your goals. Again, having a good mindset can only help, but it is not a goal unto itself. It is also not a necessity to approach women or seduce women. It only makes things easier.
Goal oriented approaches are direct
With a goal oriented approach, one is tackling the problem directly. If you cannot approach women, going out with the goal of approaching 10 women and then succeeding directly helps fix the initial problem regardless of if you had a good mindset or shitty mindset. At the end of the day, the reality is the goal is what matters, not the mindset, so it seems logical to just go after the goal.
Achieving goals can improve mindset
Another benefit of the goal oriented approach is that success breeds confidence and achieving goals, regardless of mindset, can actually in turn improve your mindset, making you more successful in future endeavors. Don’t underestimate how powerful this effect is: I wrote about that in Inner Game vs Outer Game. Achieving goals ALSO has the added bonus of improving mindset.
Every person learns in a slightly different way, which makes the most effective focus for each individual different. However, I have found for me, approaching a problem with a goal as opposed to a mindset serves me more effectively.