November 10, 2014 / How to Be Like Mike
A deeper look into why girls like "assholes."
few weeks ago, I wrote an article about how girls aren’t actually attracted to assholes. This article featured a hypothetical guy named "Mike," explained his seemingly aloof and inconsiderate behavior, and why girls associated that with a desirable male.
So if you’ve ever said, "No more Mr. Nice Guy, I’m just going to start acting like an asshole to women," hopefully you can understand why that premise is flawed. But you may still be at a loss how to act. In this article, I’ll give you some guidelines, so you can "be like Mike" and give the same high-value male signals he does.
1. Make Her Compete For Your Attention
It’s that simple. Mike has options. Because Mike has options — because he has lots of friends and lots of girls interested in him — Mike doesn’t need to put anyone’s needs above his just to get their attraction, friendship, or attention. His behavior may seem "selfish," but is he really selfish, or not just letting anyone be selfish with him?
You want to cultivate the same situation as Mike. Don’t limit yourself to pursuing one girl at a time. You’ve probably heard this called terms like "spinning plates" or "having balls in the hopper." You want to feel like you’re juggling multiple girls. You want to be losing track of which girls you’re texting, and you want struggle trying to set up times to meet with them all.
At first this may sound counterproductive, but think about it. First of all, having enough options among women is the proverbial "good problem to have." But more importantly, this is how you end up "acting like an asshole." You’re really just making sure girls have to compete for your attention.
You’re going to set things up with Meghan on Saturday, then find out Ashley is free that night too, so you’ll ask Meghan if she can meet Sunday instead. Meghan may be annoyed you’re rescheduling your date, but that’s her problem. Would Mike hesitate to ask Meghan to reschedule, even knowing she would be annoyed? Of course he would. And if she was so annoyed she refused to go out with him? He doesn’t care, he’s going out with Ashley.
Additionally, have options that aren’t girls. Have a rich social calendar. If you find yourself texting, "hey, I actually can’t meet up on Thursday, my friend’s flag football team needs me to play," this is good. Clearly, you don’t want to exclusively play flag football games and never go out with girls. But girls shouldn’t just be competing for your attention with other girls, but with the rest of your social life as well.
You have plans to hang out with your guy friends, but then Ashley texts you and asks if you’re free. See your guy friends, or see Ashley? Why do you have to pick? Mike isn’t picking. Mike texts back, "Out with the guys. No girls allowed tonight. Although I could make an exception." Ashley thinks he’s funny and tells him to come by later when he’s done hanging out with his guy friends. That’s how it’s done, because Mike has options.
2. Accept That She’ll Be Pissed When She Loses the Competition
Or maybe Ashley gets pissy and says, "you’re always hanging out with your guy friends, you never want to see me." Get a text like this, and you may be tempted to talk to your guy friends and say, "hey, I gotta bail on tonight, Ashley’s pissed I haven’t seen her in awhile."
But Mike doesn’t. Because Mike saw her last night, and the weekend before. Mike objectively knows he’s actually spent more time with Ashley than his guy friends. He knows that if doesn’t see Ashley tonight, she will tell her female friends, "Mike decided to go out and get drunk with his guy friends again instead of seeing me tonight," and they’ll say, "god, what an asshole." But it’s not true. So he reacts accordingly.
He texts back and says, "Well, I can come over later tonight or not at all. Up to you." She may still be pissy and text back, "don’t bother" or some equivalent. Mike doesn’t care though. He recognizes, at least subconsciously, that she’s not pissed at him, she’s just pissed she’s lost the competition for his attention.
But that’s okay. But that means she’ll be happy when Mike gives her attention again. This is why you may have witnessed a woman saying a guy is an asshole or "the worst" one night, and then be happy and willing to hang out with him later that week. You may have even thought, "Man, Mike doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. If I was dating that girl, I would never treat her like crap the way Mike does."
But Mike’s not "treating her like crap." She just has to compete for his attention, and sometimes she will lose. And while she won’t like when that happens and will probably express as much, he’s okay with that. He knows he’s made her feel bad. But he also knows how to make her feel better, and that’s why he’s Mike, and you’re not.
3. Don’t Back Down From Anger
Some women don’t like losing these competitions for attention, especially if they’re not used to it. And many of them will make their unhappiness known, sometimes much more strongly than an annoyed text.
When this happens, you need to learn to be okay with it. You shouldn’t fall all over yourself apologizing and making dramatic promises to "make it up to them." Mike doesn’t do this, because Mike knows he can’t please all of the women all of the time. He understands why women sometimes get pissed at him, but that’s their problem, not his. And if a woman gets pissed off enough and he never sees her again, he’s okay with that too. After all, he has options.
Being afraid of a woman’s anger is pretty much how guys become needy or whipped. You’re essentially saying, "you have to compete for my attention, unless you get angry, in which case you’ll automatically win all competitions." This kind of behavior will quickly get internalized, which is why when a guy behaves like Mike, it can seem so jarring to women. When you hear her say, "Mike’s an asshole," ask yourself if they’re really saying, "Mike doesn’t let my anger automatically win any competition for his attention."
Don’t Forget: She Has to Want to Compete
You should want to be like Mike. Give yourself lots of options, so the women in your life have to compete for your attention. And when they lose that competition, accept that it will make them upset, and they may even confront you angrily about it.
But you can’t be like Mike when you have no one actually competing for your attention is pointless. This is why "no more Mr. Nice Guy, I’m gonna start acting like an asshole to women" is such a pointless statement. When you say this, you’re probably at a point where you have no women interested in you. So first you need to work on improving yourself, and your skills in approaching women and building attraction, before you can move on to the next level.
Mike’s at that level, most likely because he drew a lucky hand when he was born by being tall, good-looking, and naturally extroverted. You weren’t so lucky, but that’s okay. Very few people are "natural Mikes." As long as you understand what makes Mike act the way he does, and how you can work your way there too (hint: reading all the other advice on JoshSway.com helps!), then there’s nothing preventing you from being at that same level.