December 02, 2013 / How To Escalate On A Date
Learn how to take things to the next level when you're on a date.
I have written a lot about how escalation is crucial in order to succeed with women. However, I haven’t really written much about how to actually do it, especially in the context of dating. So in this article I am going to show you how to escalate on a date.
1. Make sure the logistics for escalation are good
In order to be able to escalate, you want to make sure you have good logistics for escalation. This means a date where you can sit next to your date (whether it be side by side or in an L shape) or where the table you are sitting across from is thin. Good logistics also means setting up dates at a good time of day where it is easy to continue the date (ideally at your place) if things are going well and there are no time constraints for either of you.
An example of terrible logistics is meeting during a weekday for lunch. You’ll probably be sitting across from each other and there’s a hard time constraint (your respective lunch hours). Even if your date goes fantastic, you’re going to find it really hard to escalate in that situation. If you have the same fantastic date on a Thursday or weekend for dinner or drinks at an intimate restaurant, you’ll find opportunities for escalating will come much more naturally.
2. Make Eye Contact
Eye contact is a crucial skill that you simply must master if you want to be successful with women. There is no way around it: not making eye contact is unattractive to virtually all women. When you are talking to her, be sure you are making direct eye contact for 1-2 second intervals on a regular basis and when you are listening to her, be sure you are looking at her as well. You can even look at her for longer while she is talking. Don’t be creepy, but if you have issues making eye contact, err on the side of too much eye contact versus too little.
Making eye contact is definitely a "learned skill," so if you’re someone who has had a problem with eye contact, it will take you awhile before it becomes second nature. Some easy advice for improving your ability to make eye contact is always make eye contact when she is talking. It can be stressful if you have to remind yourself to make eye contact when you’re also talking, but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be looking her in the eyes when she’s talking. At least then you’ll come off as confident and interested in what she has to say.
Also, do not be afraid to "check her out," especially if she’s wearing something that shows off some of her body, like her cleavage or her legs. Don’t neglect her face and eye contact, but allowing your eyes to stray to areas that she clearly wants you look at is not a bad thing.
3. Touch her
Like eye contact, touch is crucial for many reasons. Physical touch amps up the stakes in a date and is one of the easiest and clearest ways to escalate. It is also a great way to gauge your dates’ interest level. (Read about some other ways to do that here). Some techniques to initiate touching include:
- Hugging her and giving her a peck on the cheek on arrival.
- If something she says reminds you of a story you want to tell, put your hand on her upper arm or thigh depending on your seating configuration and say: "Oh that reminds me of…" or "Get this…"
- Do the same as above with her hand if her hands are easily within touching reach.
- Put your hand on the small of her back while you are following her into or out of the venue.
- Hold her hand if you are leading her somewhere.
- Move her hair out of her face randomly.
Do not worry about being "too touchy". Women will make it pretty obvious with their body language if they are being receptive to your touch or not. If they are not, then you have to recalibrate. (See our article on the Dating Feedback Loop to get an idea about how a typical date should be run). If they verbally call you out on being touchy just respond with: "Yeah I know, I am a touchy kinda guy."
4. Inject sexual innuendo in conversation
I personally do not like to get very sexual in conversation (I prefer to let my eye contact and body language send that message: Read More Here) but it does work for many people and I will occasionally drop sexual innuendo or make sex jokes. The reason for this is not to turn her on and get her horny (normally this is a non issue if she is really attracted to you anyways and best done with physical contact) but to ensure that she thinks of you in a sexual light as a "sexual being".
Her: Nice place, I really like it, good pick.
You: Thanks! I was thinking about just inviting you over for cheap Chinese food and sex, but thought that might be too classy.
You: "Sorry I keep staring at your chest, I can’t help myself… but can you blame me?"
You generally want to make sure the date is going well and she’ll be receptive before you say things like this. If these examples are too forward for you, another way to inject sexuality into the conversation is to give her some sort of compliment about a physical feature.
- "You’re into Crossfit? Nice, let me see you flex."
- "I don’t think your skin is too pale at all. I love girls with freckles."
You don’t want to be too obvious about it (avoid cliches like "you have beautiful eyes"), but statements like this will make her feel good and will also prevent her from categorizing you in the "friend zone." Platonic friends don’t tell each other they like girls with freckles, and you want to make sure you’re communicating that you want this to escalate beyond platonic friends.
5. Don’t end the date if she is interested
If she likes you, don’t end the date yourself. Don’t save anything for the future. Invite her back to your place (Here are 6 ways to do that) or propose going somewhere else if going back to your place (or hers) is logistically impossible.
There are many other ways you can escalate, including going as far as making out, moving over to sit right by her, etc. but this article should hopefully give you a guide to the basics. Notice the importance on escalating both physically and verbally. Escalating with this combination is my particular style, but I think you will also likely find it effective. Try it!
And don’t forget about our free e-book on women and attraction, available here, 100% free.