Mar 04, 2015 / How To Keep Her Interested
Guys can get "used for sex" too. Here's how to turn it into more.
Since I can remember, the easiest part of seduction for me has been keeping a girl interested in me after we've slept together. Sex quality doesn't seem to matter. Her initial intentions don't seem to matter, and my intentions regardless of how telegraphed, don't seem to matter. I used to think this is the norm for all men; that the natural attachment women feel after sex is the driver of this behavior. However, the more I have been running JoshSway.com, the more men I communicate with who have significant difficulty keeping women after sex. These communications have taught me a lot and led me to think about why women almost never fade on me after sex while some guys have women regularly vanish after a good night. It's also led me to think about how to keep that from happening. That's what this article is about.
<h3>It's you, more specifically, it's your looks</h3>
Before I address solutions, let me address the root cause of girls using you for sex: your looks. I rarely ever hear from guys who are not good looking complaining that they can get laid but not much more than that. This is because it almost never happens! However, when it comes to good looking guys, the number one complaint I get is that they can get laid easily but can't seem to date anyone.
Here's what's happening: when you are good looking, it's very easy to seduce women. Not only are women way more receptive to your approaches, they will also often times approach you. Furthermore, you immediately attract women sexually. This initial attraction frames much of the interaction going forward. And herein lies the problem: too many good looking guys simply go with the flow of a sexual/physically driven interaction and forget to emphasize their other attractive traits. The result is a relationship molded entirely by physical chemistry and nothing else. It's then much less surprising that the woman in question isn't bothered with the rest. Unfortunately, "the rest" is what makes women stay.
<h3>Mastering "the rest"</h3>
Looks are a great thing to have, but they are not the only trait women look for. As a matter of fact, they are not necessarily that important a trait for many women, in particular when thinking about a long term relationship. If you want to demonstrate more than a high short term mating potential; you've got to demonstrate some long term value traits. As TVJ mentioned in his article about <a title="Everything You Know about the Friend Zone is Wrong" href="/articles/view/everything-you-know-about-the-friend-zone-is-wrong/">Triangle Attraction</a>, there are three main components to a relationship with women: lover, provider, and companion. You've got lover in the bag, which is great, because lover is the easiest point from which to "branch out", but you need more.
This means demonstrating provider and companion traits. There are many traits that fall into these categories. For instance, <a title="Demonstrating Intelligence" href="/articles/view/demonstrating-intelligence/">intelligence</a>, being funny, interesting, having many hobbies and interests, and being a <a title="Are You a Social Producer?" href="/articles/view/are-you-a-social-producer/">social producer</a>. Having a good career, money, and a good circle of family and friends also helps. Other traits women value for the long term include reliability and dependability. If you haven't been demonstrating any of these traits during your interactions, it's no wonder why a woman will sleep with you but have little to no interest in anything more than a casual relationship.
<h3>Demonstrate relationship interest</h3>
Typically, demonstrating interest too early is a bad strategy. If you come on too fast and too strong, it comes off as needy and desperate. Both of these are unattractive traits. However, when you are easily attracting women for sex, it's ok to let your guard down a little bit and show more interest in more than just sex. Note, this does not mean withhold sex if the woman is interested: that is almost always a terrible strategy. What it means is don't be afraid of letting her spend the night, cuddling, or suggesting going on an actual date versus "come over and screw".
Other methods of demonstrating relationship interest include breaking some of my <a title="Buying Her A Gift?" href="/articles/view/buying-her-a-gift/">gift giving rules</a> and maybe getting her a cute funny gift earlier in your relationship.
Note that you should not abandon the sexually attractive qualities you have while indicating your interest in more than a quick fling. You want to show that you have got BOTH qualities, not one or the other.
<h3>Don't just rely on looks</h3>
When a guy is used for sex, it's usually because they are good looking and overly dependent on their looks. Don't fall into that trap if you want a relationship or relationship potential. Make sure you demonstrate your other attractive qualities and don't be afraid to appear a little more interested than is generally recommended if you've found sex comes easy but relationships do not.