December 04, 2013 / How To Prevent Her From Flaking
Stop wondering why women flake and start making it harder for them to flake on you!
How frustrating is it when you finally get the number of the girl you want, finally get her on the line and finally arrange a date, only for her to flake out on you at the last minute?
Avoiding the flake is a very valuable skill that every guy should learn. You will never be able to fully prevent a girl from flaking: women are generally quite indecisive and flaking is a natural corollary of that indecisiveness. However, you can follow these tips to greatly decrease the chances she will flake on you.
1. Get worthwhile numbers in the first place
Before you can even worry about how to minimize flaking, you need to be getting worthwhile numbers in the first place. Women flake not only because of their "natural" indecisiveness, but also because many numbers they give out are given out just to get rid of guys. That’s right, often times, a woman gives you her number just to get rid of you and has no intention of ever going out with you. Sometimes, they aren’t thinking that maliciously, but they may give you her number just for the hell of it and not remember who you are the next day. These type of numbers you get are likely to result in a flake no matter what you do. When you get a girls’ number, don’t focus on just getting her digits, focus on attracting her. Getting her number is secondary.
2. Minimize the time between setting the date and the actual date
By far the number one way to reduce flaking is to minimize the time between when you agree on the date and when the date takes place. (Date/meeting/whatever). Women are indecisive, so the more time you give them to change their mind, the more likely it will happen. If I had to mathematically model the flake likelihood I would say that it grows exponentially as time goes on. This is clearly very bad news, so always try to set up dates for as soon as you possibly can. One of my good friends who is also a renowned dating expert even recommends arranging a get together for the very same day you contact her!
3. Confirm the day of and/or the day before if there was a decent time gap
Always be sure to confirm dates/meetings. The most annoying type of flake is the one that flakes in the last minute, so to help prevent that, text them in the early afternoon or late morning of a date day and see if you are still on. Another option is to confirm the night before. If you are going to go this route, I also recommend adding the following text sometime the day of: "Hey there, can we push things back to (add 15-30 minutes), I’m going to be running a little behind." This is a good non-needy way to remind her of your date. You can also use that type of line as your way of confirming the day of if you are concerned you may have been coming across a bit too needy and desperate in other interactions.
4. Schedule dates at good times
Part of the reasons women flake is because they do not want to do whatever you suggested but felt bad saying no. It may seem logical to pick dates that they are likely to accept; however, I find that this is often a mistake. The key idea is that you want to stop making it too easy for her, and plan dates that require some investment from her. Otherwise, it’s almost better to not even bother with the date.
One area where you do have some flexibility though, is time. Make sure you arrange dates at comfortable times (for example, don’t make her rush straight from work unless she works near you). Think about when she has to wake up the next day and her travel time and how long it may take her to get ready. If you make it annoying for her to come, you do increase the chances she flakes. However, don’t go too far making it too easy for her, because then you run into the situation where she hasn’t invested and half asses her way through the date.
5. Make plans as firm as possible
Try not to make "let’s play it by ear" or "meet downtown around 7pm" type of plans. Try to be as specific and firm as you can. For instance: "Let’s meet at XYZ bar at 7pm" versus "Meet downtown around 7?" or even worse: "Let me know when you are leaving work and we’ll figure out a plan." If she agrees to a specific date there are less outs for her and less uncertainty. I have also found it makes her feel more committed mentally, for some reason. Don’t leave plans up in the air or leave too many variables to chance. On second, third, or later dates this isn’t always that important, but on a first date this approach is crucial.
If they do flake…
While following these 5 tips will reduce the amount of women who flake on you, flakes will happen. The best thing to do when a girl flakes is to roll with it. Do not get defensive, and don’t think you are fooling anyone by making a joke about her having flaked. Simply say something like: "No worries, some other time." If you suspect a flake is going to occur, a very powerful strategy is to preemptively cancel on her. This works wonders on women that are on the fence or concerned that you are too needy or desperate to meet them.
There are no foolproof ways to prevent flakes, but you can reduce the number of flakes you get by following these 5 simple guidelines. If you do still get women who flake on you, just play it cool; there is no benefit to calling her out on it.