November 26, 2013 / In Defense Of The Dinner Date
Despite most recommending avoiding a dinner date, I find them to be extremely good dates. Here is why.
The majority of dating literature out there, particularly the content of "pick up artists" suggests that dinner is one of the worst, if not worst date idea there is. I am writing this article in defense of the traditional dinner date. In my experience, the dinner dates have been my most effective date. How is it possible that I have had so much success with a date that is universally panned by "experts?" Simple: I think the experts are wrong. Here are some reasons why dinner dates are actually some of the best dates you can go on.
1. Dinner dates are high investment activities
When a woman agrees to a dinner date with you she is making a significant investment. Get out of your head all this idiocy about women who use men for dinner just because you read about some disturbed girl who does that and got press for it in the Times. Most women will not go out with a guy just for a free dinner; it’s actually the opposite for most women: they view themselves as making the investment being "stuck with you" at dinner. As I wrote about in a few articles such as 7 Dating Myths, making women invest in a date with you is a very good idea.
Ironically, many experts dislike dinner dates for the number reason reason I like it. They think you are making too much of an investment in her, but this hardly matters (it’s easy to spin it off as you’ve been wanting to check this place out or you were hungry), what matters is getting her to make an investment per the above.
2. Dinner dates have a self fulfilling prophecy element
Since dinners are a high investment activity for women, there is admittedly a self fulfilling element to successful dinner dates. If a woman is willing to commit to meeting you for dinner she is probably more interested than a woman who would only agree to meet for drinks so you are likely to have better results. However, if you never ask for a dinner date, you will never know which camp she falls into.
3. Dinner dates have great logistics
Other than the ability to touch your date easily (which can still be arranged with smart table and venue selection), dinner dates are incredibly logistically efficient. (a) The time at which dinner occurs is usually early-ish in the night which leaves more time to do something afterwards and (b) You have time to build attraction and comfort. She can’t just escape quickly which gives you more chance to attract her and make her comfortable with you. (It is also more time to screw up, naturally.) Also, because there is more potential for more drinking at dinner than at dates which are shorter, you can use that as a way to arrange for you to be in control of transportation more easily if applicable.
4. Food boosts energy and may have an aphrodisiac effect
The actual eating of food, as long as you do not overdo it seems to boost dates’ energy. I also feel like it must have a natural aphrodisiac effect but that is purely speculation based on my success on dates that involve food versus dates that do not. Either way, it is much harder to be tired for the rest of the night after getting some food in your stomach which makes it more likely your date will have energy to hang out afterwards. Note that this is NOT The case if you eat like a pig.
5. Dinner dates are romantic
A dinner date at the right spot (I’m not talking Chili’s here) has a romantic element to it that trumps what is possible on many "casual" dates. Dim lighting, a glass of wine, and good food all contribute to an atmosphere that will help turn your date on. Meeting at some shitty dive bar having a couple brews, splitting the bill, and then asking her to come over for a two hour fuck session like what many experts seem to recommend is pretty much the opposite of romance to most women.
6. Good venue selection is a "DHV"
A DHV is a display of high value. Women find value in men in many different ways. An appreciation for fine dining and good venue selection is a great way to demonstrate value, especially as it is likely complementary to many other traditional strengths you have as a man. Not everything has to be sexual and aggressive. If you can balance your manliness with a knowledge and appreciation of more delicate things you will come off as much more well rounded to your date which is a big turn on.
The Cons of A Dinner Date
As you can tell, I think dinner is a great date but the experts are obviously not completely clueless. There are some cons to doing a dinner date you should be aware of.
If money is an issue for you then dinner dates cannot be a regular in your dating arsenal. However, I want to emphasize that in general, you should not be factoring in cost when evaluating whether or not a date is effective in getting you the girl. Cost should only factor in at the end in terms of whether or not you can afford it.
2. Too Much "Provider" Risk
Another danger with a dinner date is that you could get too easily classified as a provider, or "boyfriend material". This may cause women to give you the dreaded: "I want to take things slow with you because I really like you." The way to deal with this is to make sure you are clearly sexual in your eye contact and body language and look to other techniques to make it clear that while you have provider qualities, they don’t come easy.
3. Difficulty touching
Depending on what venue you choose, you may run into a situation where it is difficult for you to touch your date. In order to compensate for this significant negative you must engage in more eye contact than normal and look for excuses to be more physical. Sharing food is one easy way to counteract this effect. The best solution; however, is to pick venues where the tables are thin or you can sit in an L-shape or on the same side as each other.
While you can certainly get away with not doing dinner dates (especially on first dates), don’t blindly assume that you shouldn’t because a few experts told you so. The reality is, most experts simply cannot isolate monetary cost from actual date effectiveness or have what I think is a wrong view on the investment dynamic of a dinner date and hence they propose something else. Don’t get me wrong, there are many great dates that are not dinner, but dinner should be part of your toolbox.