December 27, 2013 / Learn To Accept Defeat
Sometimes, accepting defeat is the best play.
Contrary to what dating coaches and pick up experts want you to believe, you will not succeed with any woman you want. No man, including famous movie stars, get any woman they want. This is not the way the world works. You will, at some point, be faced with rejection. Unfortunately, the way women reject men is often very vague and non-confrontational which makes it too easy for guys do not "get the message". Don’t be one of these men. Learn to accept defeat gracefully instead of mindlessly plowing forward on a lost cause.
"Nothing to lose" is often not the case
A lot of men think that they might as well continue to pursue a lost cause because they have "nothing to lose". I was in this camp for a while, but the reality is that you do have something to lose. For one, you develop bad habits of neediness and pushiness which are turn offs for women. Secondly, you will blunt your senses to the point where you will negatively impact your ability to read women, and lastly, we like to think our emotions don’t matter but our emotional capital is not infinite and eventually endless pursuits of lost causes will take their toll.
More on misreading women: the "shit test" vs IOD
An IOD is an indicator of disinterest from a woman, for example, backing away when you touch her. A "shit test" is a sort of "challenge" a woman gives you that may sound like a sign of disinterest. For example, "so all you care about is money, huh?" or "you try this crap on every girl?". As you can imagine, it is often hard to tell what is a shit test and what is an IOD.
Unfortunately, the way to deal with one or the other when the situation is still salvageable is very different. (I will have more on "shit tests" in later articles) If you do what many experts recommend which is assuming attraction (which implies assuming everything she says is a shit test and not an actual indicator of disinterest) you will behave accordingly. The end result is that a lot of IODs which you should be addressing as IODs (see The Dating Feedback Loop) while you still have a chance with her get addressed incorrectly as shit tests which digs you an even further hole. Not learning to accept defeat will likely build bad habits that will hurt your chances when you still can salvage the situation.
More on Emotional Capital
While the strategic benefit of knowing when a woman is not interested or shows signs of disinterest is useful, the real benefit to most men of learning to accept defeat is for preservation of emotional capital. At the end of the day, we are all human beings, and human beings have emotions. There is only so much rejection we can take before it starts to take a toll on our emotions. You can develop thick skin but at some point, everyone runs out of "emotional capital" so to speak. For this reason, when there are clear signs of disinterest (such as not responding to texts, canceling plans regularly and not proposing other meet-ups, and others (Here are 9 signs of disinterest) there is no reason to burn through more and more emotional capital on a lost cause. There’s no reason to risk developing "oneitis" or similar feelings.
Learn to Accept Defeat
Being persistent in going after what you want is admirable, but there is a cost to it. Don’t neglect the costs that come with refusing to accept defeat.