August 18, 2014 / Martial Arts And Dating Advice
You can use the principles of martial arts study to improve your dating skills
"Don’t forget to make eye contact"
"Make sure you engage in some Kino"
"Watch for IOIs and calibrate accordingly"
"She did XYZ, is it an IOI?"
"I have to figure out how to inject this DHV into the conversation"
Dating advice can be overwhelming. And while it’s easy to read about dating advice, it’s sometimes quite hard to remember to apply it when you are in the moment. From eye contact, to touching, to DHV’ing, to watching for IOIs and calibrating accordingly, there is a lot you may want to do in order to make a date go as well as it can be. Before you can apply all the dating tips that you have been learning, you’ve got to actually know what they are in the midst of the action when you’re excited and emotions plus adrenaline are interfering with logic and reasoning.
Dating and Martial Arts
Dating and Relationships are likened to battles and wars in everything from 17th Century literature to Pat Benetar songs. So, it should come as no surprise that a lot of the principles of fighting, self defense, and martial arts apply in the dating world.
In many martial arts, you learn a lot of techniques which are then practiced (via repetition) in a controlled environment, often with forgiving and complying partners. In some martial arts, such as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the class generally ends with free sparring. Here is where you get to apply all the skills you are learning in a situation which most closely simulates a real life confrontation with a resisting partner.
When you finally put everything action against an opponent who is actually resisting, you’ll likely only be able to apply a small fraction of the techniques you "know" against a real live resisting opponent. As you train more and more, you’ll not only learn techniques, but you will start to learn how to apply techniques in a real live situation, not just in practice.
Dating works exactly the same way! You can memorize an opener or a routine and practice it in front of the mirror, but until you are actually in a live situation, you won’t know how much you actually remember. Most likely, you will learn say 10 techniques you want to apply, but when you go out, you may initially only remember and actually use 1 or 2.
This is normal.
It is not only normal, it is the way to remember, learn, and apply dating advice.
A Three Step Process To Apply Dating Advice
You can use the martial arts model to learn and absorb dating advice in a sustainable manner. The process involves three basic steps. The first step is to acquire knowledge. This can be done by reading websites such as Josh Sway, getting advice from friends, buying and reading e-books, or any combination of the three. Once you have some baseline knowledge of technique you want to try, it’s time to go out and try the techniques.
Your goal in this second step should be to practice the techniques you "know" when you actually go out. Prioritize crucial basic techniques and practice them. For example, if you want to get better at applying the "3 second rule", make it your goal to approach as many women as you can within 3 seconds of making eye contact with them. Don’t worry about combining it with an opener, just go up to them and say: "Hi, I’m Josh" to start. This is the ‘drill’ phase.
The third phase is the "sparring phase". Your goal in this phase is to attempt actual seduction. Just like in sparring where your goal is to win, not rehearse a specific technique, your goal should be the same here. If you have particular difficulty with a technique, try to focus on that in a real life situation but do not try to worry about more than one or two techniques. The goal here is to learn how a real interaction with a real end goal goes. You will probably not put a lot of advice you "know" into action, but as you "spar" more and more, you’ll start to see that you naturally start using the skills you drilled in the "practice" phase.
The results will appear naturally before you know it!
Before you know it, you will have truly mastered technique; it will come second nature. I’m not particularly good at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but there are still many techniques that are completely natural to me; I do them without thinking. But that isn’t how I started. I started by only being able to do these techniques in a very controlled environment during class, and as I started to spar more and more, and drill the techniques more and more, before I knew it I was naturally applying them.
Dating worked the exact same way for me, and I think it will work the same way for you, especially if you struggle applying dating concepts in real life situations.