April 14, 2014 / Misinterpreting Her Interest Level
Many men fail to get a second date because they misinterpret interest level.
I see from guys a lot:
"Why doesn’t she want a second date? Our first date went so well. We had great conversation, there was eye contact and she even touched my hand a few times. We talked for hours and there were no awkward silences. At the end of the night I walked her to her place and we kissed on the lips. I said we should do it again sometime and she responded with definitely. I waited a day until I reached out to her again to set up another date and she didn’t respond. What gives?"
Sometimes, it looks like this:
"I don’t understand what I did wrong here? We had a great first date and we even made out at her place! I texted her the next day telling her I had a great time and that we should do it again and she responded right away agreeing. We arrange another date a few days later but she cancelled. When I went to reschedule she kept making up excuses. What is going on here?"
Both of these are very common results of "good" first dates, and both have to do with a misinterpretation of interest. The interest level is clearly different in both scenarios but the cause of failure is the same: a misinterpretation of interest.
Scenario 1: Little to no interest interpreted as interest
Scenario 1 I described is the more common of the two. It is the scenario where the guy grossly misinterpreted every action as a sign of interest when most of the signs mean little to anything, and some are actually negatives (such as a kiss on lips but no makeout). Guys, women are nice people often, and they can have great conversation with you but still not be sexually interested in you. Stop interpreting "great conversation" and the occasional kino as a sign she wants you. What they are is a sign she is not having a bad time. There is more to dating than "not having a bad time". Don’t interpret signs of "not a bad date" as signs that she is definitely interested in you. Always keep escalating and trying to build more and more attraction.
Scenario 2: She is interested, but you got over-eager
When a girl invites you over to fool around (or comes over to your place), she is at least somewhat interested. Note, there is never a guarantee to see a girl again, even if you’ve gone as far as sex (though sex usually makes it quite rare they won’t hang out again) on the date, but one way you can screw it up is by interpreting anything but sex as an extreme level of interest and throwing standard courtship advice out the window. She isn’t thinking of wedding bells just yet, so don’t act like it’s a done deal.
More specifically, don’t stop playing it cool because you had a great date. Don’t start to text her all the time. Don’t ask her out right away for the next day. Continue to play it cool.
The two scenarios I described are extremely common versions of a general rule: women almost always act more interested than they are, and men almost always assume women are more interested than they are. If you align your interpretation of her interest level with her true interest level, you will see dramatic improvements in your calibration ability and your overall success getting 2nd, 3rd and 4th dates.