December 14, 2013 / Play The Hand You Are Dealt
Improve yourself but don't force things that don't make any sense for you.
Everyone has their positives and negatives. Some we are born with, some are a function of circumstance, others still are a function of dumb luck. Some we can change. some we cannot. This isn’t necessarily always a bad thing, but what it does mean is that not everything that works for someone will work for you. This is an exceptionally important concept for success with in life as well as with women. You cannot expect every technique or all advice out there to apply to you specifically. You must play the hand you are dealt and play it accordingly.
Examples of Person Specific Dating Advice
One example of dating advice that is very specific on who you are include appearance related advice, such as peacocking. (The act of dressing in an exceptionally flamboyant style to attract attention) As I wrote about here, peacocking doesn’t make sense for everyone. In the past it was blindly advertised as proper technique regardless of who you are, but it really isn’t good advice for many people.
Being too sexual
Other very common advice that I think is effective for some people but not everyone is using highly sexualized language right off the bat. In general, extremely sexually aggressive approaches and behavior right off the bat is effective if there is that instant connection, i.e. physical attraction. Some men are successful with this approach because they are either very good looking or can tell that the woman they are approaching is already attracted to them. It is not an approach that works for everyone in every situation. The mindset of the approach is relatively sound (you should be escalating and be sexual), but going up to a girl telling her she’s super sexy and that you want to do such and such to her before you even know her name only works if she’s basically salivating at the thought of you even approaching her.
Choosing a Venue
Choosing an appropriate venue is also really contingent on who you are. There is no "one size fit’s all" venue to meet women (though bars come pretty close). Some men have a type of game that works really well at a night club but may not translate to the mall. For others it might be the reverse. Use common sense. If you are fat and out of shape, use the gym to get into shape, not to hit on women! If you are a very good looking guy, use venues where looks matter the most, such as trendy lounges or night clubs.
Text or Call
Some guys say always text, others say always call. In my newsletter, I wrote about this topic. The end result? I prefer to text but I know many men who are very successful calling over text. The conclusion? It depends on the hand you were dealt. If you are good on the phone, you may be able to build some attraction over a phone conversation. If you hate the phone and find it hard to really focus while on it (like myself), stick to texting. If you have a "bad" voice, stick to text.
Playing the hand you are dealt applies to all aspects of your life, not just dating. In this article I covered a few dating specific examples, but there are many many more. Self improvement is important and valuable, as is learning new techniques. However, there are often many paths to the same destination. Use the path that complements your natural abilities, not the path that avoids them.