March 27, 2014 / Seduction Theory Makes For A Bad Hobby
Keyboard cowboys don't get the girls.
I offer a lot of advice here on JoshSway.com, but I also frequent several dating and seduction forums. I do this to help users on them avoid making the same mistakes I made with women, learn from others who have experiences I do not, and find out the kind of issues that men struggle with today. But I’ve noticed a large contingent of men on these forums who seem to be making a hobby out of discussing seduction and seduction theory with little actual real life seduction experience. If you are one of these men, I have a message for you: learning about seduction is useful, but making the discussion your hobby is actually counter-productive to you getting laid.
The field is where seduction is learned
As with everything, theory serves a purpose. But the bottom line is that women, and more importantly your own strengths and preferences, are incredibly complex. It’s impossible to deconstruct an 100% optimal theory for approaching women, building attraction, and dating. You must harness your brain’s ability to implicitly learn seduction if you are to truly reach your maximum potential. In other words: you can never learn seduction from theory and books alone just like you cannot learn math by simply reading theorems, and you cannot learn to program a computer by memorizing the syntax of a programming language.
To master seduction, you must learn by doing. And this is why turning seduction theory into a hobby will eventually become counterproductive to your ability: you will spend too much time discussing theory and less time applying that theory.
Apply, Execute, Adapt
This is what I think is the healthy approach. Apply what you’ve learned from my articles in the field, execute them accordingly, and then adapt based on your results and preferences. This is why I think "inner game" is learned in the field, and why I try to give concrete examples with all the advice I give, because "just do it" can be meaningless.
In other words, I want my advice to be something that lets you get off the computer and go get women right away. With clear examples, you have no excuses not to do this. You don’t want to blindly parrot my examples like a robot, but this is why there is the adapt step. I know my advice won’t be canonically applicable to 100% of situations, because no theory is.
Don’t Lose Sight of the Goal
I’ve been active in some way or another on seduction forums for nearly 10 years. Initially, I was your typical AFC just looking to get advice on how to improve my game. I learned a bunch from many very informed posters, but I also discovered that a lot of the most active posters were highly unlikely to have had any experience with women, at all! So what were they doing giving advice on dating forums? Well, eventually I realized their problem: they lost sight of their goal.
Instead of joining forums to learn or impart advice, seduction forums became their "social life" so to speak. They would spend hours posting (and I don’t just mean while being bored at work). They would impart tons of advice, usually regurgitation of theory or techniques they read elsewhere and often, they would enter long philosophical debates about seduction theory with other members. What they wouldn’t do is actually go out and meet women.
Debates on theory are interesting to a point, but at a certain point they’re pointless or even self-defeating. A few months ago I wrote something in defense of the dinner date. But I know for a fact that TVJ hates going out to dinner as a first date, and feels like it rarely works out well for him. Do we spend hours debating this among ourselves? No! I have a certain approach and preferences where I like going out to dinner even on a first date, and he doesn’t. That’s fine. That’s normal.
What’s not normal is arguing about this for hours online on a seduction or dating forum with people that are essentially strangers, and I feel like this is what happens to a lot of guys on these seduction forums. What started as a way to learn about how to get women turned into a hobby that was actually preventing their development and potentially, hurting the development of others! Don’t fall for this trap. Don’t lose sight of your initial goal. And while a new hobby is fun, I don’t recommend a hobby that costs you success with women, when your initial goal was to get more women!
Remember why you came here
I’m not saying you should never actively participate in these forums and discuss theory. Obviously I do this myself. If you find some degree of success in the field, you may want to "pay it forward" to other frustrated or clueless guys. That’s totally respectable.
But if you find yourself spending more time theorizing about seduction theory than going out there and trying to apply it, then you have a problem. It’s a problem similar to when TVJ wrote about virtual worlds; don’t let the seduction forums become your virtual world. An obsession with seduction theory doesn’t just chew up time you could be using to go out and meet women; it gives a misleading sense of comfort that you’re improving in your ability to meet women, even though you’re just banging keys on your computer.
So, the next time you log in to your favorite dating forum or even visit JoshSway.com, remember why you are there to begin with.