Josh Sway
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/ Self Fulfilling Frustrations

A lot of your success and failure in dating is self fulfilling.


Can you "only get damaged women?", can you "only get 6s and 7s", can you "only get non-blonde white women"? Maybe you think you can only get women of your ethnicity despite you not being attracted to them? In other words, do you feel your success with women is limited to particular types? While it is inevitable that certain types will be more attracted to us than others, often times the real cause of this frustration is self fulfilling.

The Self Fulfilling Dating Prophecy

As I have written a few times regarding practice and the sub-conscious learning process, a large part of being successful with women is learned. Similarly, a large part of our success (and or failures) in dating are self fulfilling. For example, you may think that you are only successful with highly educated women, but most likely, that is because you have had more success there so you are not only naturally drawn to the women that you will likely succeed with, but also have developed more experience successfully seducing those type of women.

Similarly, if you think you can never get tall blonde girls, it is likely because your lack of initial success with these women has bred lack of confidence. Additionally, it has probably driven you away from hitting on as many tall blondes leading to less experience and therefore, less success.

Break it or accept it

The solution to this problem is quite simple, either accept the women you have been subconsciously (and consciously) driven to approach as the target pool with which to find someone, or put in a conscious effort to go after the women you think you want that you aren’t succeeding with.

Note that while you may think that it is "beta" to go for the former, it is actually not at all. There are so many women in the world that it is likely you can find many great women in every small subset. (Unless you find yourself attracted to/successful with only damaged women or women with serious issues). Many men (to some extent even myself) have types they generally attract and choose to focus on the quality women that fit the mold. It is a more efficient courtship and dating process and as long as you are content with the quality you are finding, it makes sense.

How To Break It

Most likely though, if you are reading this article, you are not content with the cohort of women that you are successful with. If you want to break that cycle, you need to simply get out of your comfort zone of "targets" and experiment more:

1. Don’t settle for familiarity.

If you want to improve with a group of women you aren’t successful with, you need to hit on them more and not just half ass it and go back to your comfort zone. This is easier said than done because the desire to be successful and get laid will often make you give up at the first sign of resistance and jump back to your comfort zone.

2. Experiment

If what you are currently doing is not working, adjust your game plan. Don’t assume that the game that works on the girls you do get will work on the girls you aren’t being successful with. While a lot of principles hold true across all women, there is enough that is individualized. Keep trying different techniques than simply what has worked for you with other women.

For instance, have problems with tall women? Read our article on how to game taller women. Don’t have any success with bartenders or waitresses? Read our article on the differences between them and others.





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