March 18, 2014 / Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Our comfort zone is comfortable, but if you want to improve, you need to step out of it.
Your comfort zone is the environment in which you thrive. It can be the job that you were made for, the subject at school that just "makes sense", or the group of friends you could hang out with every day of the week. When it comes to dating, your comfort zone is the women you go for and the venues in which you meet them. In this article, I want to ask you to step out of that comfort zone.
You’ll always be better in your comfort zone
Look, you are always going to be at your best in your comfort zone. If math just makes sense to you, you’ll do better at math class than at English. Similarly, if you have experience and comfort talking to women at your school, you’ll do much better with them than women in a different age or those who have less innately in common with you. If you feel comfortable at your local dive bar, you’ll do much better with women you meet there than those you meet at a night club you never visit. That’s ok. That’s normal. But you should still step out of your comfort zone from time to time!
Comfort Zones and Venn Diagrams
When you cling to your comfort zone you are making a very bad assumption: that groups of women are disjoint. You assume that women of a certain type, or those at a certain venue are one of a kind. You assume that the women who go out to dive bars aren’t the same women who go out to night clubs. You assume that 21-23 year old women you normally hit on have nothing in common with 31-33 year old women. This is not the case. In reality, women "overlap". No two women are identical, but no two women are completely disjoint either. Think of a Venn Diagram. That is the reality of dating, and it is the reality of women.
When you stick to your comfort zone, you run a very high risk of only connecting with a small "subset" of her. Basically, you are playing for that small overlapping portion. Wouldn’t it be much smarter to try to connect with "all" of her. Matching with everything is impossible, but the more you step out of your comfort zone, the more likely it is one of the new "rings" you explore will overlap with her, and give you an even deeper connection, regardless of where you meet her or who she is!
Stepping out improves game everywhere
More concretely, stepping out of your comfort zone is a great way to not only expand your dating surface area, but also to improve your game WITHIN your comfort zone. The girls you meet in the bar scene may always go out at bars, but they may also go out at night clubs. Having more in common with them, and more avenues to meet them is going to help your game, EVEN when you are at the local bar you always visit.
Similarly, approaching a wider subset of women, including those who you aren’t always comfortable approaching will not only build your confidence and expand your potential dating pool, but also expose you to conversations and interactions you may not be getting with the women you normally approach. You can then put some of the interesting ideas and concepts you learned by stepping out of your comfort zone to work IN Your comfort zone.
A few ways to step out of your comfort zone
Stepping out of your comfort zone involves two main steps: meeting women in different venues, and approaching different women. If you find yourself only going after the same type of woman, simply change it up and start hitting on women you normally don’t hit on. This doesn’t mean go for women you do not find attractive; if you only find a very narrow subset of women attractive, you need to address those issues because most likely, you are using lack of attraction to mask approach anxiety and fear of rejection.
For venues, besides branching out within the nightlife world, from bars to clubs or clubs to bars, try meeting women in other ways. For example, try "day game", or try online dating. The bottom line is to TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Be uncomfortable for a little bit, the benefits are worth it.