Josh Sway
JoshSway.com is every man's source for dating, relationships, self-improvement, and more.

Articles advice from Josh

/ Stop Confusing Cost With Effectiveness

Don't let money and cost blind you when it comes to dating technique.


One major failure of dating advice (in particular "seduction" or "PUA" advice) is it’s inability to separate monetary cost of a particular technique or concept with it’s effectiveness. Now I’m not talking about flying a woman around the world in a private jet or pulling off some Ellis Island Will Smith in Hitch type of craziness; I’m talking about simple things like paying for your share (and hers) of a date or buying a girl a drink. The dating and "seduction" community frowns upon both of these ideas (not to mention many others) for, frankly, purely monetary and not effectiveness reasons. Don’t make this mistake.

Rationalization

Interestingly, if you actually read through explanations of why you should "never" buy a girl a drink or make her pay her half (or the whole bill!) on a date, you will get a bunch of nonsense that suggests it will actually increase your effectiveness being a cheap ass. That making a date pay is "different" and will make you stand out (it will, in a bad way), or that if you buy a girl a drink at the bar you are coming off as a "beta loser" and instead you should make her buy you a drink.

Don’t get me wrong, going up to random women offering to buy them a drink is a bad technique, as is being a woman’s personal ATM machine. However, the real reason most "PUA" experts rationalize not spending a dime on women is because of monetary concern. For some, this is valid: if you don’t have a job and can barely pay your rent, you probably need to be cost conscious when dating, but for others, this is just stupidity. Many men, perhaps even you, are successful enough that the cost of a drink is irrelevant to them. So then why would the cost of a drink be a consideration at all? It shouldn’t be, and it actually isn’t. It’s just rationalization to behave in a cost effective manner.

The right way to evaluate ideas

Instead of mixing in cost in your analysis of effectiveness, treat them separately. The cost of an idea should not be considered at all at first. Simply consider how effective you believe a technique will be in getting the girl you want. Then, you can look at the cost of it versus other techniques that may cost more or less and make a decision that way. Granted, the most effective play may not always be the most feasible for you given your financial situation, but this is completely different from calling a technique ineffective because it costs money.

Three Examples of costly yet effective techniques frowned upon by dating experts

To end this article I am going to provide you with three very effective "seduction" techniques that are often frowned upon by dating experts for the sole reason that they are costly. They won’t tell you that cost is the reason these techniques are ineffective, and will instead come up with some hocus pocus nonsense (rationalization) to avoid the technique. Don’t be so closed minded about techniques that aren’t "free", because a lot of them work, really really well.

1. Dinner Dates

I wrote about dinner dates in detail here. Dinner dates can be highly effective; as a matter of fact, I suspect they are the most effective dates I have had in terms of both forming relationships or getting sex.

2. Getting a table at a night club

"PUA" experts frown upon getting a table at a night club, often making fun of the guys as a bunch of corporate losers who get used for their alcohol but don’t actually get the girl. While it is true some girls will latch on to a table to use them for alcohol, the odds of getting numbers, makeouts, dates, and even sex (not at the club necessarily!) when having a table at the club is vastly superior to the odds of doing so while aimlessly roaming around without the social proof a table provides. Note, sometimes you can be part of a well placed table at a club without spending a dime.

3. Buying women drinks

Seriously, a drink isn’t expensive, so not sure why one would care who pays for it, but with that said, getting drinks can be quite effective when out. The main reason is that it is an excellent isolation tool. You can pull a girl away from her friends by getting her a drink, for example. I wrote more about isolation here.

Conclusion

The costs of dating may matter to you, but first factor in effectiveness, and then decide if the effectiveness is worth the cost.





If you've enjoyed the articles on JoshSway.com, there's even more advice in our e-books!

Buy Now!