February 16, 2014 / Stop Just Hitting On 10s
You will never get good with women if you only go for "perfect 10s" from the start.
I wrote about this in Practice makes Perfect, but I want to expand on the topic a bit here. As I had previously written, it is simply mind boggling that while no one believes they can become like Michael Jordan in basketball by reading a book and basketball training online forums, so many people out there think they can read a couple books and forum postings and then go out to a random bar and come home with a ’10’ every night which leads them going out and only hitting on the "perfect 10″ everyone else is trying to hit on.
Part of the reason for this is the absurd marketing videos for most ‘seduction products’ that try to convince men they can actually get girls to sleep with them using "this one weird trick" (read about that here), but I can’t really understand where the rest of the logic comes from. Most likely it is just wishful thinking: guys wanting to believe that you become Casanova overnight with some knowledge but not actual practice. Other reasons are fear of being judged and fear of rejection.
Anyways, I already wrote about practice in an earlier article. What I want to write about here is the value of getting experience. It happens all the time: Guy with little to no dating or seduction experience only goes after "perfect 10s" and doesn’t even bother to pursue situations where average or even some above average women are giving him easy layups. This is akin to trying to make the NBA by only practicing 360 double windmill dunks. The likely end result? You will never even make that dunk once and won’t have anything to show for your practice other than failure after failure.
On the other hand, you have a much better chance of making the NBA if you also practice your free throws and standard layups. In dating, it’s pretty much the same thing: not only will you be getting laid more often and having more success with women, you will also be simultaneously improving your chances of making it to the "big leagues", getting those "perfect 10s" you want. The downside? hitting on a girl you aren’t ever going to marry. Seriously guys, big fucking deal. Go out there and get some experience before mindlessly going after every smoking hot bartender who gets hit on 1000x a day and ignoring everyone in the middle (many of whom could easily be more fun and more compatible with you).
Why Only 10s?
Reason 1: Judgement
So why don’t guys follow this advice? One reason many guys do not get the "prerequisite" experience necessary to really master dating is too much fear that their friends will judge who they hit on and who they date. First of all, casual dating/courtship isn’t marriage, so friends judging you shouldn’t even bother you in the first place. Secondly, I bet you most of the guys who judge you are getting very little themselves, so that should give you some comfort. Lastly, remember what is important: your enjoyment, or your friends critique of who you are hitting on. Stop using "what will my friends think" as an excuse to not talk to anyone who is not a perfect 10.
Reason 2: Fear Of Rejection
It may not sound like there is a fear or rejection issue going on with guys who approach only 10s. I mean, they are approaching hot girls, right? Technically yes, but fear or rejection is a MAJOR part of what is going on with the 10s only guy. Why? Simply put, getting rejected by a "10″ is expected and thus, isn’t a big deal. They can easily rationalize to themselves that they tried, that "she gets hit on 1000x a day so I didn’t have much of a shot anyway". It’s like the 360 double windmill dunk. No one is going to feel bad missing an attempt.
What these guys are really afraid of is getting rejected by that "6″ or "7″. Fearing failure over something "realistic" is the real fear. Failing to achieve something you "should" be able to do hurts. This is why fear of rejection sometime leads guys to only hit on (unsuccessfully) the so called "perfect 10s". If you want to get 10s, it’s unlikely you can just jump straight into the deep end. Go out there and get experience with women, stop just hitting on 10s!