Apr 07, 2014 / Stop Taking Her At Face Value
You need to learn when what she says has little meaning.
Do you struggle reading women? A large number of men are you in your shoes. Often the culprit is lack of experience, but it's quite possible you aren't good at reading her because you keep taking everything she says at face value. Once you stop taking her at face value, you'll dramatically improve your ability to read women.
<h4>3 Examples of taking her at face value</h4>
What do I mean take her at face value? Essentially, the meaning is interpreting things she says literally and not being able to differentiate when she is saying something to "save face" or "keep up appearances" versus when she actually means it. Here are 3 common examples that occur all the time.
<h5>1. I would never sleep with a guy on the first date</h5>
This is a classic. It's siblings include "We are definitely not having sex" and "Fine, I'll come over, but don't get any ideas, nothing is going to happen." These statements are almost meaningless in the context of a date. Women regularly say this to not appear slutty or easy but the actual follow through is no different than with women who don't say these things. Her telling you to slow it down when you are being intimate is a totally different thing, by the way. I'm referring to conversation during PG portions of a date.
<h5>2. I'm not into XYZ type of guy</h5>
Yeah, all that stuff about her only going for certain types of guys? Usually nonsense. If you hear this statement, it usually has nothing to do with the particular type of guy, but a message she is trying to send you (or whoever she is talking to) about a particular guy. The distinction is quite important. It is especially important if you overhear something about her and particular types.
<h5>3. I like a guy who does XYZ.</h5>
Yet another often meaningless statement from women. Women like guys they are attracted to for whatever reason they became attracted to them. Falling into the trap of assuming that a woman says she likes XYZ actually means you need to have XYZ is a major mistake men make all the time. There is usually some truth to the statement, but in general, statements like these should hardly alter your course of action with a woman.
<h4>HOW not to take her at face value</h4>
So you know that you shouldn't take what she says at face value, but how do you actually do that? There are two main techniques, ignore, or flip the script.
Ignoring her comments is simple. Just ignore her meaningless statements. If you are an Asian guy and you heard from a friend she's not into Asians but you are still on a date with her, then clearly, what you heard doesn't matter. Ignoring makes perfect sense. Don't bring it up, don't take it slow because you think you have to be sneaky given her racist proclivities, just ignore. If she talks about how she would never sleep with a guy on a first date, don't give up if that was your goal, you can also safely ignore the comment. But, when it comes to sex on a first date, I prefer the second technique which is to flip the script.
<h5>Flip The Script</h5>
I've slept with dozens of women on a first date who explicitly said during the date that they would never sleep with a guy on a first date, that they would never sleep with me that date, and that they would never agree to even go to a guys place on a first date. While you can safely ignore these statements and simply escalate as usual, an approach I like is to flip the script.
Instead of simply ignoring, I will flip the script on her and pretend that *I* am the one who is tough to get. Some of my favorite responses are: "Of course we aren't, I'm not that easy!" or "You have to wine me and dine me before you can get with me anyways." This is a great way to inject humor into the conversation, but also subtly demonstrates to her that you understand what she is doing. This will make her much more comfortable letting her guard down.
<h4>Don't give up</h4>
Taking women at face value can be a significant source of frustration in your dating life. It is quite likely, that if you do so, instead of using the tactics I described (Ignore or Flip the script) you will lose interest, stop escalating, or outright give up. Don't let blindly taking everything she says at face value cause you to give up on women you want and could easily get.