Josh Sway
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/ The "Assume Attraction" Fallacy

"Assume Attraction" is a mantra, and nothing more. It has little place in actual seduction.


A very common concept in the "seduction community" is that of "assuming attraction". The idea behind assuming attraction is not to try to read whether or not a woman is into you but simply assume that you are hot shit, that she is into you, and to proceed as if she is. I understand the self-esteem/pep-talk nature of this concept but in practice, this idea makes absolutely no sense at all. Why would you always assume something that may not be true? And why would it make any sense that behaving the same way with women despite them having varying degrees of attraction to you is optimal? It doesn’t.

Calibration Matters

Assuming attraction essentially implies that calibration does not matter. Given I consider calibration one of the most crucial skills to master, I naturally do not agree with the assume attraction mentality. Every interaction with a woman provides valuable clues on what will likely turn her on and whether or not you are turning her on. You can then use these clues to tailor your approach. For example, if a woman gives you very strong IOIs you can proceed to see if she wants to come home with you. On the flip side, if a woman is giving you strong IODs, you know you should just move on.

Everything in between also has a different optimal approach. If a woman seems to be concerned that you don’t have many interests, you can make note of that and bring up some hobbies and interests you have versus blindly assuming she is eating up everything about you. If she shies away from physical touch, you know you need to attract her more and the proper move might actually be to distance yourself to make her wonder why you are no longer as interested (see The Dating Feedback Loop). The list goes on.

You can do better than a pep-talk point

So then how did assuming attraction become the mantra that it is? The answer is simple: it is a pep-talk point. Many men who begin in the seduction community suffer from self esteem and self-doubt issues. They are so concerned with turning off women and are constantly looking out for signs that a woman is not interested. Encouraging these men to plow forward and assume that every sign is a positive sign is a good way to enforce what is much better behavior than shying away from escalation. However, it dramatically oversimplifies the reality of seduction. You are better than a pep-talk, so don’t use a mantra to guide your interactions with women, you can do better.





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