November 14, 2013 / The Gold-digger Myth
Men think women care about money because they are gold-diggers. That is usually not the case.
A pervasive yet very damaging myth is that any woman who cares about a man’s income is a "gold digger". Believe it or not, there are many very legitimate reasons women care about your income, and it has nothing to do with them trying to use you for your money. This is a common myth generally spread by young people who are just starting out in their careers or broke jobless dead beats trying to rationalize their lack of success. (See our article: Have something going for you). Here are the real reasons MOST women care about your income (yes, some women are indeed gold-diggers).
1. Money’s correlation to success
The predominant reason most women care about your financial success is that it is often highly correlated to career success. Career success is a powerful display of high value. If you are good at your career, it probably means you are smart, ambitious, and get along well with people. These are all high value traits. Now a woman doesn’t get your year end review from your boss, so how is she supposed to try to evaluate how good you are at what you spend most of your day doing? She does it indirectly, often times, by trying to get a sense of your income.
How do you deal with these women? Recognize that they care about money because they are using it as a gauge of your success. If you don’t have money (many are successful in their life but not monetarily), figure out a way to demonstrate you are successful, ambitious, and driven. That is what most women you think care about money actually care about.
2. It’s a dead-beat filter
Another reason women care about money is to filter out dead-beats and cheap-asses. No woman wants a guy who is a deadbeat with no job and no ambition, and no woman wants someone who is a cheap ass. What women are looking for when filtering out for these type of people is not how much money you have, but your attitude towards money. Women are basically LOOKING for you to get defensive about money and it perks up an immediate red flag.
To avoid getting stuck in the dead-beat filter, for one, try not to be a dead-beat, but if you are in between jobs or are in a tough financial situation, arrange a meeting that doesn’t require much money, and don’t complain about money or make any issue of it at all. Making a big deal out of the cost of a date looks pretty bad, so don’t do it.
3. She is successful in her own right
If you live in an expensive area, such as a large metropolitan city, most women you come across that care about income probably fall into this category. These women are not interested in you buying them anything, but they are interested in you being able to hold your own. These women want an "equal". Since she is successful, she likely has considerable income and probably a social circle of similar people in similar situations. Since she already has money, she can treat herself to fancy clothes, expensive restaurants, and high end vacations. In other words, she doesn’t need your money, but she doesn’t want to have to dial down her lifestyle because you cannot keep up!
What if you simply cannot keep up financially with her lifestyle? In order to keep this kind of women interested you need to offer her experiences she cannot already get. These do not need to cost any money at all. For example, maybe you are plugged into a great underground art or music scene. Bring her into that world.
4. She is a gold digger
Let’s be real, sometimes a woman who cares about money is a gold digger. They do exist. However, don’t automatically assume that because a girl shows interest in your job, career, or money, that she is a gold digger. Don’t assume that just because she likes going out to nice restaurants or wants to take a fancy vacation she is a gold digger. Most women fall into categories 1 thru 3, not the gold digger category.
If you think you have identified a gold digger, move on, or make it clear from your interactions (do NOT verbalize it) that you are not one who is going to be getting taken advantage of. For example, do not take her out to fancy dinners, buy her gifts, etc.
While gold diggers exist, it is a myth that most women who bring up money or care about money are gold diggers. Women do not have all the information about you that you have, so they must often use indirect methods to gauge some of your strengths and weaknesses. Money is one of those indirect metrics a woman is likely to use, whether she admits it or not. The important thing for you, is to (a) not automatically get defensive and assume said woman is a gold digger, and (b) to understand what she is truly trying to learn about you and show her what she wants to know directly, without her having to imply it from your attitudes towards money.
Note: this discussion originally appears in our e-book, Sway Seduction: Master Online Dating along with more data on women’s actual desired incomes in their partners.