Josh Sway
JoshSway.com is every man's source for dating, relationships, self-improvement, and more.

Articles advice from Josh

/ The Pitfalls of Seduction Theory

Make seduction theory work even better by knowing its limitations.


As an author of numerous articles about dating and seduction, I am intimately familiar with many dating and seduction theories. Not only have I read about the different theories, I have spent the greater part of 15 years directly putting theories and ideas to the test. In general, much of the reputable seduction advice is quite theoretically sound. However, there are pitfalls you should be wary of when it comes to seduction theory. I’m going to discuss a few of them here.

Pitfall 1: Unrealistic Expectations

Perhaps the biggest pitfall of seduction theory is hardly a product of the theory itself, but the way the theory is consistently applied on forums, in dating products, in seduction marketing material and in the media. Simply put, seduction theory isn’t a secret weapon that is going to increase your chances with a particular woman from 5% to 95%. Seduction theory is not panacea, it is a collection of tips, tricks, and techniques that cumulatively increase your odds of success. Each "trick" or "technique" may only have a 1-2% impact in your seduction odds, if that. It is the combination of these techniques, along with experience and self improvement that end up making a big difference. Even still, there’s no such thing (other than perhaps being a famous celebrity) that gets your odds with any woman even above 50%.

Pitfall 2: Lack of context

A lot of seduction theory suffers from a lack of context. Once again, this isn’t a fault of the advice but a fault of the greater framework within which seduction is presented. I gave one example already in my article: You can’t succeed if you don’t care: "Not giving a fuck" is extremely popular seduction advice; however it is often imparted with very little to no context. This advice is almost exclusively useful for overcoming approach anxiety and fear or rejection issues, and very little more. Yet so many men almost live by this mantra and then they wonder why they are not successful with women.

Pitfall 3: Blanket Assumptions

A lot of seduction theory suffers from "blanket assumption making". While some seduction theory definitely does apply very broadly, a lot of advice needs to be applied with a healthy dose of calibration. For instance, whereas not being very passive is good seduction advice that applies almost always, being very aggressive can fail in many scenarios. However, you will find most seduction theory, and especially those who advocate the advice suggest their advice is black and white. It almost never is.

Pitfall 4: Playing the blame game

One of the most difficult aspects of seduction is figuring out how to best learn from your mistakes. A common pitfall I see with seduction theory is poor application of blame when it comes to failure. Retrospective analysis that is common in forums dedicated to seduction theory almost always lays the blame on failure to apply a particular seduction theory, technique, or concept. Often times; however, the failure had very little to do with application of any particular theory. One such example is the butterflies effect I described a couple weeks ago. No amount of technique or theory is going to get a girl who needs to feel "butterflies" in her stomach to sleep with you on a first date if she didn’t feel them the second she saw you, before you even had a chance to open your mouth or do anything.

Despite these pitfalls, seduction theory still works well

Most social theories have their pluses and minuses, and seduction is no different. I’ve covered what I think are four of the main pitfalls with seduction theory in this article. With that said, you should definitely not discount the theory and advice you see. I can attest first hand as to the value of seduction advice; however, that’s no excuse to not be cognizant of its limitations.





If you've enjoyed the articles on JoshSway.com, there's even more advice in our e-books!

Buy Now!