January 24, 2015 / The Red Pill: The Good, The Bad, and Ugly
Are you going to stay in Wonderland and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes?
If you’re a reader of JoshSway.com, you’ve probably heard of the controversial Reddit forum /r/TheRedPill (TRP). If you’re unfamiliar with TRP, this is an excerpt from their introduction post:
Because men are realizing that the sexual marketplace has shifted away from what we’ve been taught. Men who grew up over thirty years ago are discovering the world has changed. Men who are still growing up – from the 80s, 90s, and even the last decade, they’re starting to realize that what their parents taught them, what television and chick flicks taught them, what church and Sunday school taught them… it’s all wrong.
I browse posts on TRP every so often, mostly because I do think it has a unique view on men, women, and the theory of attraction. While a lot of advice around dating and sexual attraction revolves around “outer game” (approaches and techniques for extrinsically attracting women) and “inner game” (boosting your self-esteem, confidence, and happiness to be a more intrinsically attractive person), a lot of TRP is focused on what I would call “macro-society game.” The discussion is around why male and female sexual strategies are what they are, and how society has evolved to reflect that.
This wouldn’t be controversial except the baseline premise is basically, feminism is a female sexual strategy that is winning, to the detriment of men. Hence the controversy, because to some people, attacking feminism is literally equivalent to misogyny.
I don’t think TRP is misogynistic, but I don’t think its philosophies are perfect. But I do think it’s worthwhile to consider the theory of attraction in this macro-society viewpoint” And when it comes to TRP’s viewpoint, I think there’s a lot of good, some bad, and quite a bit of ugly.
The Red Pill makes something very clear, more clear than any other internet community I’ve visited: if you aren’t a winner in the dating game, you’re a loser.
This may seem self-evident, but when it comes to dating, this is not an overt message in society. We don’t like to think about winners and losers in dating. This is why men get terrible advice like “be yourself” or “I’m sure you’ll find someone.” The implication is that if you’re a good person, you just need a little patience before a sweet and cute girl will drop out of the sky and like you for “for who you are.” Just like every kid in your elementary school soccer team got a trophy at the end of the season.
You probably came to JoshSway.com because you learned this is utter bullshit. Your value as a male matters, and if you aren’t increasing your value, you are losing. You are losing to men with more value, because those women are pursuing them instead of you. Essentially, it’s the realization that if you don’t take steps to improve yourself and your game, you will literally die alone. In “the blue pill” world, it’s sufficient to be nice to women, to “be yourself,” and eventually one of them will like you in return and you’ll be married and have kids. But this isn’t how shit works. And that realization is what I consider “taking the red pill.”
The Red Pill makes this perfectly clear, and this is such an important message that I think it grossly outweighs all the other criticism.
In short: the anger.
The veterans of the Red Pill recognize this themselves. In a popular post titled “The Five Stages of Red Pill,” these stages are summarized as:
- Denial: "Women aren’t like that! They’re people just like everyone else! Treat them all as individuals, and you’re sure to find the right one!"
- Anger: "WTF! Bitches are all like this! They have no honour, no loyalty, and they don’t really love anyone but themselves! Fucking cunts!"
- Bargaining: "If I work real hard and learn all the pickup moves, then at least I’ll get laid."
- Depression: "Getting laid by shallow, obnoxious women has become dull and unrewarding. And there’s no sense looking for a unicorn. Maybe I’ll just be MGTOW for a while."
- Acceptance: "Women aren’t bad. My expectations of them, and theirs of me, were based on faulty premises. They are creatures of instinct, just like I am… but of different instincts. If I learn what those instincts are, and teach them about mine, we can develop realistic expectations of each other and get along just fine."
I think this is a reasonable progression. I know I personally went through a similar progression when I was younger, and so did TVJ. Recall his introduction story, and how I helped me come to terms with how being a Nice Guy wasn’t getting him anywhere. How do you think he felt? When you find out a basic premise of your entire experience is false, you’re not going to like that. Your mind will try and convince you otherwise, because it’s easier than to that acknowledge reality.
And when you do acknowledge reality, you’re going to be pissed about it. And you’re going to feel like everyone in your life was complicit in misleading you about that reality. Wait, I need to be more than a Nice Guy to be attracted to women? But… what about that advice my dad gave me to “just be myself?” And my older sister telling me, “the girls your age just like assholes because they’re immature”? And why do women all love these fucking romantic comedies?
So you’re going to be angry. That’s because you were mislead, and being angry when you’re mislead is a natural reaction. And even worse, you’re not even sure who exactly mislead you. Your parents? Hollywood? Society? Government? The entire female gender? You’ll probably direct your anger at these targets, and anyone others you can think of.
And that’s okay. Like I said, you were mislead. You’re allowed to be angry for a while. I was angry too. But ranting for weeks or months about how “women say they want nice guys, but they really just want assholes” is a completely worthless endeavor. The idea that women actually like ‘assholes’ is completely false anyway!
However, your goal is to get past the anger stage, and I don’t think TRP is very good about that. It tries to offer catharsis, but a lot of posts become an echo chamber of guys content to stew in the anger stage. A lot of posts are basically, “let me tell you a story about this girl that’s a slut” and everyone comments, “yep, she’s a slut, just like all other women!” Which is then followed by stupidly broad generalizations about women, society, feminism, and so forth.
Participating in this echo chamber will not help you. This is like playing soccer, and then finding out, “Wait, I can’t use my hands? That’s why I kept getting all those penalties called on me?” And instead of learning how to play soccer, you just sit on the sidelines and grumble how soccer is a stupid game anyway, and everyone who plays it is stupid, and the fact that it’s a popular game means society is stupid. Okay, sure. So are you gonna get back on the fucking field and play the game the right way and win, or just bitch on the sidelines? A lot of guys in the TRP community seem to prefer the former.
Now, this is self-fulfilling. Because once you come to terms with how life really goes down, you’re going to start improving yourself and your value, and you’re going to realize you shouldn’t get angry — you should get effective. Which means you’ll probably stop hanging around TRP. Which means TRP is mostly guys in the anger stage, because by definition, moving on from the anger stage means you don’t have too much use for TRP.
As I said before, the premise of TRP is that feminism has basically become a sexual strategy that allows women to get the upper hand. To quote, directly from “The Red Pill Constitution.”
Feminists claim they want equality but what they really want is power without responsibility. They desire both male and female privilege consolidated into one, thus upsetting the gender balance. They want the privileges of being women (privilege such as being economically provided for, getting opportunities based on their beauty and protection from physical harm by others) as well as male privilege (authority, respect for having a career, to not be judged so harshly based on appearance etc) which is neither pragmatic nor realistic, it ignores the biological basis for how the genders perceive each other in the ignorance that "everything is a social construct!" and we are mostly "the same" when quite evidently this is not the case.
I love psychology and sociology, but holding this point of view must be fucking exhausting.
I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s start with the fact that I can’t get too worked up about feminism because without feminism, women would still not have any sexual agency. In feudal Europe, it wasn’t uncommon for a woman to be raped and the woman would be executed because she was now “impure” and had “dishonored” the family. This shit still happens in parts of the world today. Now, women can admit they like sex, even outside the context of a committed pair-bonding, and I can have sex with those women. This is a bad thing?
Now, when Red Pill uses the worst “feminist,” I don’t think they’re talking about Susan B. Anthony or even Gloria Steinem. There are self-proclaimed feminists, mostly in online media (ie. Tumblr, but also some more mainstream journalism), that look at a site like JoshSway.com and consider our advice to be “emotional abuse” that uses “manipulative techniques” because we hate women. Yeah, great, and I really don’t give a shit. Neither should you. If you spend time in any online community like Reddit or Twitter, it will seem like they and their messaging is everywhere. But it’s not. The vast majority of people have no idea what the fuck shit like “Gamergate” is, nor should they. If you don’t know what it is, good. I know you’re tempted to open up a new browser tab and Google it, but seriously, don’t. Instead, I recommend you close all your browser tabs after you read this article, and get off the computer and go get women.
What I consider this “Ugly” is that Red Pill spends too much time ranting about feminists, mostly directing their attacks on those keyboard cowgirl feministas and claiming they’re hypocrites. This in turn provides fodder for those feministas to attack The Red Pill for their misogyny or support of the patriarchy or whatever. I can understand from why this is actually mutually beneficial for both communities. You get all sorts of psychological benefits when you have a common enemy to rally around. That’s great for those communities. But I’d argue it’s not very valuable for the individual members.
The Rabbit Hole
I’ve given guys advice who kept would seem to listen, but then go and make the same mistakes. They continued to be interested in girls that had long since put them in the Friend Zone, they followed advice to “be themselves,” and they thought building attraction and escalation where “playing games” and they just wanted “an honest relationship.” They figured as long as they were patient, eventually “the right woman” would come along and “make them happy.”
But this isn’t how it works. Nothing in life works this way. Like I said in "The Good," TRP makes it clearer than anything I’ve ever seen that if you don’t even understand how the game is played, you will lose, and that means you will die alone.
Now the question is: are you going to get angry about it?
Or are you going to stay in Wonderland and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes?