October 31, 2013 / The Solution To Mixed Signals Is Escalation
Often times, if you are getting mixed signals, it's because you didn't escalate enough
How many times have you gotten mixed signals from a girl? She is flirty on text, IM, and even in person, but for some reason she is always ‘busy’ when you want to meet up for an actual date. Perhaps you had her on a date and she seemed interested but you aren’t really sure. Sometimes, a signal that may appear mixed isn’t actually a mixed signal; read our articles 6 common IOIs and 6 misleading IOIs for a few examples. However, most of the time, mixed signals occur because you haven’t escalated enough to get a strong signal one way or the other.
Escalation forces her to make a decision
Many women can’t decide what color to paint their fingernails, so naturally, they can be quite indecisive when it comes to who they want to date or sleep with! But, instead of just complaining about it, there is a very easy solution: Escalate!
When you escalate (more specifically, demonstrate a sexual/romantic interest in her and pursue it) you don’t leave her the option of being wishy-washy. You will have sent a clear message that you want X and you are going to actively and aggressively pursue X unless you get an indication to stop.
If she isn’t interested in you, she has no choice but to make it clear versus trying hard to "let you down easy" which we all know is even more annoying than getting closure. If she is interested, then you will have your answer quickly and efficiently. You don’t leave escalation in her hands, because many women will want you to escalate but will not do it themselves.
Note, escalation does NOT mean being annoying, pushy, or needy. Escalating means being confident in what you want and pursuing it. There is a fine line that I will write about at a later date, but think "how can I show undeniable interest without appearing needy, desperate, or pushy?". One example is intense eye contact and being physical when you interact with her (put your hand on the small of her back, touch her hands, etc.).
3 Mixed Signals Easily Preventable with Escalation
Not only is escalation a way to force her to abandon her mixed signals and make a decision, it is also a great way to prevent mixed signals to begin with. Here are 3 common situations that should rarely occur if you escalate properly.
1. We were talking for hours at the bar even after all her friends left but she didn’t return my calls.
If you were talking for hours at a bar and all her friends are left, you should have been escalating right then and there. You should have already been seeing if she wants to come with you to your place or somewhere else. You should have been getting close to her, engaging in a lot of touching, perhaps making out as well (though consider the Kiss denial technique). You would have your answer of whether or not she was interested with a much higher degree of certainty versus depending on a date at a later time.
2. Agreeing to go on a date with caveats ("I’m not ready to date yet", "but just as friends", etc.)
Usually, these are outright rejections; however, if you escalate properly this should never happen to begin with. With confidence and proper escalation, there will be no gray area: your interest in her is romantic/sexual and you will have shown that. She will either agree to go out with you knowing full well your intentions or not agree. None of this wasting your time going out "as friends" or some other non-committal bs which is a surefire path into the friendzone.
3. We slept in the same bed/cuddled/(no sex). but now she doesn’t want to hang out.
If you are in the same bed as a woman you are interested in, then you need to pursue sex (within the bounds of what is acceptable, respectful, and legal!! Always be sure she is consenting and comfortable with anything you do) However, as with the other 2 points, if you had properly escalated with this girl to begin with, she would never invite you into her bed (or invite herself into yours) unless she had intentions of hooking up (not necessarily sex, but something).
Escalation is a common recurring theme in a lot of my articles because it is HUGELY important in order to maximize your success with women. Dramatically reducing mixed signals is also a nice by product.