September 28, 2013 / The Sting of Rejection is Good
Don't fear the sting of rejection, rejection is supposed to sting a little, and that's a good thing.
It happens to all of us, it comes in many different forms, and no matter how much you can prepare for it, it still always stings a bit when it happens. Rejection is a part of life, not just with women, but in every aspect of life. Ask the most successful people you know whether it be in the work environment, academically, or with women and you will see that they have experienced ample rejection throughout their lives. This is completely normal; the more success you have, most likely, the more rejections you have also had.
Rejection is normal
If rejection is a normal part of life, how come you can never seem to prepare for it? Most books and blogs on picking up women will recommend you press on approaching women and that after you experience countless rejections (and hopefully also successes) the impact will be softened and being rejected will cease to faze you. This is partially true, but as someone who has been rejected hundreds of times, I can tell you from experience, it still always stings at least a little. I still stop and think how come it didn’t work out. What could I have done differently? Even if I wasn’t particularly interested in the outcome it still hurts. That’s ok though, it is meant to be that way. Rejection SHOULD sting, and it is a good thing when it does.
Rejection is motivation
Rejection needs to hurt because otherwise it would not be a motivation for improvement. If it doesn’t bother you to get rejected at all, anywhere in life, it will be very hard to be motivated to succeed. Fear of rejection is a powerful motivator when used right. Without it, the benefit of success is much more limited. If you genuinely did not care if you got rejected approaching some woman, you will spend less time thinking about what you did wrong, less time reading up on how to improve, and less time practicing ways to improve with woman. Rejection makes us stronger because it stings.
Rejection is part of our subconscious learning process
Rejection is also a very powerful learning mechanism that runs much deeper than the examples above. Your brain is hard wired to learn from rejection: the intricate web of neurons that make up your brain work precisely this way, reforming connections among them driven by the success or failure of the current setup. What this means is that you will subconsciously, without any conscious deliberate effort on your part AT ALL, learn from rejection!
This is the reason practice makes perfect. On its own, practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes perfect if there is motivation. Motivation can come in the form of a reward for success, or a lack of punishment for failure. Rejection is the latter; a sting that is punishment for failure that motivates you to learn whether subconsciously or consciously, making you a better person in all aspects of life.
Don’t fear rejection
Don’t fear rejection, and don’t be disappointed that no matter how much you get rejected it will always sting a little. The sting is good, and necessary.
Josh Sway originally wrote this article for cliffslist.com. Check them out.