December 02, 2014 / The Winner Test For Rule Breaking
Focus on being a winner, not the rules
Dating "rules" are there to help you succeed with women. Some are more or less written in stone, rules like making eye contact and not being afraid to touch your date. Others act more as guidelines and suggestions based on the collective experiences of many men. Examples include always proposing a date, time, and place all at once when asking a girl out and not talking about politics on a first date. What they all have in common is working to increase your chances of getting the woman you want.
But at the end of the day, women aren’t attracted to guys who simply follow a set of rules, women are attracted to winners. They are attracted to guys like "Mike" in TVJ’s recent article. They are attracted to guys who are attractive (not necessarily physically), confident, and have things going for them. When you are a guy who has things going for you; when you are winner, you can break the rules. And that’s what I want to talk about because all too often I see guys sacrifice being a winner to stick to a few rules they read on the internet.
Your goal is the girl
I’m going to be honest: when I launched Josh Sway over a year ago, I was very hesitant about doing so. Not because I didn’t think I had anything to offer, or because I didn’t have the time, energy or patience. I was hesitant because too many guys get sucked into the ‘seduction community’ and lose sight of the whole purpose of dating advice: to get the girl not delve into the wonders of seduction theory. They end up missing out on tons of potential women by losing track of the ultimate goal, and instead do silly things like never breaking frame, ask girls to buy you drinks, or "over-game".
I didn’t want to be part of problem. I didn’t want to be yet another guy who sucks guys into the ‘PUA’ world. I want to be a guy who helps guys get girls. This is why articles like this are especially important for me to write and for you to read: because losing sight of the ultimate goal is even more devastating than just figuring it out on your own. So remember: your goal is the girl.
If a rule interferes with the goal, don’t follow it
It follows that if your goal is getting the girl, and obeying a particular dating rule interferes with that goal, then that rule should be ignored. Even if it’s a "really important" rule. Even if you think it is the most important rule. If you know you are lowering your odds with a woman because you are following a rule, don’t follow it!
The difficulty is of course, how are you supposed to know whether or not a particular rule is increasing or hurting your chances? The secret is what I like to call "The Winner Test"
The Winner Test
The winner test is really simple: does following a particular rule make me more or less of a "winner" in her eyes? Will she think you are higher value if you follow a particular rule, or will she, in the particular instance, think you are of lower value. For example, if you’ve talked a big game about how you are a successful businessman, it’s unlikely trying to get her to split the check if she doesn’t want to will increase your chances even if you read that as a ‘rule’ somewhere (you most definitely did not read that rule here!). You’ve probably read you shouldn’t be needy and you should play ‘hard to get’, but if the girl is already throwing herself at you, playing tough to get may just come off as you being uninterested.
Both of the aforementioned examples are scenarios where you want to break a ‘rule’, and both times it’s because following the rules doesn’t make you a winner. Being a cheap-ass when you talk a big game about how successful you makes her second guess how much of a winner you are in your career, and playing hard to get when she’s already into you makes her doubt your interest or worse, doubt your confidence.
If you aren’t sure
The hardest part about the winner test is getting a feel for whether you are adding or decreasing value with your actions. So while rules can be broken; until you are confident in your calibration skills, balance winning with sticking to what usually works.